this walrus is here to stay

Wiz

2012-02-27T20:09:00.001-08:00

It doesn't last

2012-02-27T17:09:00.002-08:00

I guess the thing with relationships is that generally it's just a phase. No matter how much feelings you have invested in them and no matter how much you say you love them or wish that you two can it make it till the end...it's just a phase.

That sucks, doesn't it? Because here you are as happy as can be with this one person. To imagine that this happiness with this person can disappear one day sounds hard to believe.

As great as something is, i guess it's a good idea to remember it may not last in the back of your mind. Don't get so sucked into this whole idea that it might be forever.

Because when it's all over and the happiness and person is taken away it's one of the hardest things to deal with, but you'll have to try your best to get past it.

In the end all you can really say is, damn it's been nice though, and move on.

Santa Barbara

2012-02-26T21:38:00.004-08:00

Went on a weekend getaway this weekend with Christina to go visit Tina at UCSB. First road trip ever, and it was quite the experience! We were only there for a day and a half, but we did so much. At least it seemed like it. I really enjoyed myself because it's been so long since i've had any "real" fun with real good company, and it's been so long since i've ever gone and done something for myself. You know what i mean? It was just so nice to get away from home and everyone here...even my boyfriend! Because for once i felt so free, relaxed, and occupied.

Tina took us around SB once we got there. Just strolled around, shopped, and ate at this little burger shack. I was really looking forward to the nightlife of SB though. Since i go to a community college and all, i don't get to experience the "college life". And the partying experience at SB was really something else. Who would have thought the night would have went the way that it did!

Tina told me that generally all the girls go to parties in skirts or whatever that's "scandalous" looking. At least that's how i see it. Not necessarily scandalous, but sexy. It's been so long since i've even dressed up to even look so called "sexy", that it kind of even felt weird to wear what i wore. Haha. And since i don't generally dress myself up anymore, when Christina told me to bring a cute going out outfit, i didn't think about it like that. All i brought with my were jeans! So then i had to barrow Tina's dress and throw one of my blouses over. I guess it looked alright, i didn't feel so "sexy" in it, but whatever right.

Everyone i met were so kind and friendly! Not only because they were drunk, because they were friendly before they got drunk. Apparently this guy, Kevin (below), and Diana (green) are also from the bay and went to my church! Along with Tina and Christina. Probably the drunk goggles, but Diana was the sweetest and funniest girl. Hahaha. I loved her last night! But i'm sure she really is sweet since this morning i saw her and she was indeed just as sweet as she was when she was drunk. And none of these pictures do me justice because my hair was not cooperating with me all day...It was so crazy how everyone was literally just all over the place. People were just walking around in the streets, in the neighborhoods of course, but you never ever see that around here do you? No one gave a shit, and the cars would just drive around people. I felt like it was new years on the strip or something because thats when generally people would just be in the streets cause they can be. Haha. Well everyone was pretty much drunk, every single person that was walking around. And we just walked to one party to the next. I went to 3 parties last night. I've never even party hopped before. I was being a very good girl and handling myself well though. I realized while with all these single ladies that if you have a boyfriend that you're faithful to, it's strange to actually be out like this. Because basically everyone is out to get some! I had to pass the guys that tried hitting me along to my single lady friends. Which had me end up alone and running off to drink some more, but no biggie! I still enjoyed myself whether i was with a guy or not. Because the girls i was with were just the best company.

I had to wake up earlier than i would have hopped for because Christina, Tina, and i had plans for the rest of our stay there. I was super hungover. I woke up around 7 and felt like i was about to yack, but just tried to go back to sleep.

So here i was hungover, and we end up taking a bicycle ride out to go eat. Gosh i was so tired -___-. I haven't even rode a bike in the longest time that i almost fell over when i first started riding, and it didn't really help much that my feet was barely able to touch the floor. This bike is so cute though! It has a little basket for my bag. After i got some food in my system though, it was nice riding the bike since the weather was just so lovely there.

I did so much over this weekend. I'm kind of sad it's over. I definitely can't do this every weekend -- get fucked up and all that. My feet were killing me today after walking all over the place the previous night. I felt like we walked so much...Then i had to drive home from SB to my own house in Union City. Total of a 5 hour drive. I've never driven so much nonstop before. I'm so beat right now, but i had to blog. Haha. I still need to finish up some homework, and then i'm going to ktfo.

This mini vacation/weekend getaway did me good. I really need it. It kind of made me realize a few things, but i don't think i'll go into it. Maybe just that it's really good to do things for yourself to make yourself happy, and to occupy your time and surround yourself with good people with good vibes. I missed home, but it's stressful here. I hope my mom will let me go on another trip someday soon, maybe next time it'll be with my boyfriend and company.

♥

Promises

2012-02-22T21:08:00.003-08:00

We all make promises to people in our life. Promises to do something or even promises to love someone. I was reading an article on the promise of love. It's called "The Promise That Love Will Last". I kind of just skimmed through it a bit to see if it would be interesting to even read, and i fell upon this:

“An aspect of promising that is not often brought out, however, is the commitment to another person that is expressed in our making promises. This brings promises to do something and promises to love together apart from intentions. I may utter my intention to go to the library after work but if I decide not to do it we need to imagine quite special circumstances in order to understand what it would be to blame me for not doing what I intended. I can simply change my mind…In the case of promising to love you, where there is no particular action or affection that I take on myself to do or feel, this aspect – my promise is not to primarily about me, my actions and feelings, but given to you – is even more significant for understanding the importance of keeping our promises. Betraying my promise is betraying you.”

I don't know, it kind of caught my attention. I like what the author is trying to say though. I'm going to go read the whole article, or most of it, and maybe i'll come back and input my thoughts on it.

P.s. I'm feeling better today, nothing has changed though. It must have been the weather.

♥

Down

2012-02-21T23:55:00.002-08:00

I've been so down in the dumps lately. For these past couple of days, i've had no motivation for anything. All i've been wanting to do was crawl into bed and sleep the day away and sleep some more at night. Maybe i'm just moody...my period is suppose to come next week (Sorry, TMI).

Well i have a test tomorrow for my nutrition class, and you can bet that i did not study for it. I really couldn't get myself to, as much as i tried to i couldn't. My mind wasn't in it and i felt like it was useless because in the state of mind i'm at, i wasn't retaining any information. The plus side is that if i do poorly, i can drop my lowest test grade in this class. Which only means then that i need to step up my game. Thats not such a good mindset to have right now, thinking that theres a way out.

I feel so out of it, like stressed and sad at the same time. Makes me want to throw up. I want to do nothing and cry or something. I don't know whats going on with me. I hate it. I just want to stop moping around, but i can't.

I'm going to Santa Barbara this weekend with Christina and possibly company to visit Tina at UCSB. I'm surprised my mom even agreed on this trip. Part of me doesn't want to go, but the other half does. I really need this trip though. After these past few days of just being "blah", i need to get out of this damn town and away from everything. I need to clear my mind...I need this mini vacation and enjoy myself.

Well, this is just the worse. I hate this feeling. -___-

BE HOPEFUL, Ma Chérie

2012-02-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

be hopeful, ma chérie

♥

Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T20:47:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is more of a "holiday" meant for the ladies. I think it's just to bring the whole idea of chivalry back. Since now a days people are kinda too busy to really fully 100% express full endearment towards their loved ones, Valentine's Day gives couples the excuse to just set everything aside for the night and spend it together. Where the guy is chivalrous and treats the girl out and gives her flowers. Kind of to bring them back to how things were when they were in their honeymoon stage.

Well to be honest, i was very disappointed by the fact that my boyfriend is anti Valentine's Day. Talk about ironic, when every Valentine's Day i'd sort o

f wish i had someone super special to spend it with and then when the day comes and i have someone special in my life, he doesn't like the "holiday". I wished that he would have cared a little, maybe even just given me a flower he picked from some bush. Just the simplest thought.

Anyways, i guess i'm over it now. Haha. At least he went to watch The Vow with my over the weekend lol. I know i don't need a holiday to know that my deng boyfriend loves me. And well now i'm super content because i respect him for it now i guess. I still love him more than ever, and i know he feels the same way. And that's all that matters. And although he doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day, i still wouldn't trade him for someone who does.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Funny thing is he actually took this picture, and it turned out hella adorable in a sense. :)

♥

Someone Better

2012-02-11T16:34:00.001-08:00

I mean, there is always someone out there who might be "better" than the one you have in front of you. You can say, you'll never find out if there is someone better unless you go looking for them. But then you can also just be happy with what you have because they're already hitting the standards of what you have been looking for.

Yah, there is always someone better. Someone better looking, with more money, more chivalrous, more in common, more fun, etc...But what you need to realize is that if you're with someone and you're thinking if there is someone else better out there for you, then you probably aren't truly happy and you should just go out and find that one better person than who you have.

Sure, there may be someone better than him. I've never thought about that. But i don't care. Because everything that makes up him, is just prefect for me. I wouldn't ask for anything else.

♥

School Update

2012-02-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

My lovely, lovely buttercup. ♥

Sigh, so i haven't been having much to write about lately. School is just consuming me. My classes this semester are alright. There's a lot of work load, but i guess it's just a matter of me intaking all this information and applying it.

I'm trying hella hard to do well and understand the material for my nutrition class. I get the basics, but i don't feel like i'm grasping all the core details. I have a test next week for nutrition too. :l

My speech class is just me being nervous the whole time. Talking in groups is no big deal until i get up and stand in front of a class to talk. I have my first speech presentation tomorrow. I remember my points and what i need to say, but i just have such a strong feeling that once i get up there i'll forget what i wanted to say and the words wont flow nicely.

My other classes are just whatever.

Anyways, i'm hella tired today for some reason. I didn't even want to do anything at all, and i'm still tired right now. I'm waiting for my boyfriend to text me back. He better have not fallen asleep already. -_____- I guess meanwhile, i'll just go lay down.

I was thinking about reciting my speech one last time, but i'm way too tired. I'll probably do that a couple times before class if anything.

BYE!

♥

Jealousy

2012-01-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

I never knew what it was like to be "jealous" until now, or something like it.

I've been thinking. What is jealousy anyways? See, the way i see jealousy is when you want something that someone else doesn't else have. So if that's the case, how does the term "jealous" apply when it comes to your significant other?

Nevermind, i just looked up the definition. Bahaha. It has two meaning. One is being envious of others, and the other part is feeling suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship. And also, fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.

So i guess in the end of it, i am feeling kind of jealous. In the sense that i'm fiercely protective of my possession. He's my possession. Well i've never felt this type of jealousy before, till now. It's not something i like. Haha. I can't help it.

Hey i trust him completely. And i guess under the circumstances, she probably doesn't really want him as much as i think she does. But jeeze lady, back the fuck off.

I guess in the reality of it, i don't like girls talking to him as much as he doesn't like talking me. Certain ones at least. But i never really felt this since randomass girls don't usually talk to him.

Never thought of myself to be the "jealous" type. But i guess we all have that protectiveness going on somewhere when it comes to certain things.

That's all.

♥

Hi, again.

2012-01-16T01:32:00.000-08:00

When i first met you, i wrote a post about what i first thought of you. At first, you and i were pretty shy around each other. I always got butterflies, and i'd feel my face blush when you're around. However, although i was oddly attracted to you, you seemed to bored me. You bored me to the point where there would be times that i didn't want to even text back, but i would anyways because something about you kept me around and lured me in more. You appealed to me. I was kind of unsure of myself before. Not sure of how you felt, but i didn't care so much. I thought it was strange that you were still interacting with me. I liked it.

Reading back to this post made me smile. So funny the way things have evolved between us. At first i didn't even think we would ever start dating, let alone stay together this long. I had doubts about us, we were two different people. Completely different. I wasn't sure what we had in common, and even up till now we still don't have much in common. Well except we now have similar tastes in music, movies, and food preferences. We've only been together for a little over seven months now. Not such a long time frame, but it feels like it's been so long hasn't it?

Look at us now. Eight month later from when that post was written. We're much comfortable with each other. You went from being the guy that made me smile and made me blush, to the guy that would bring out real laughter out of me -- where i'd actually be gasping for air sometimes. Went from not having much to talk about, to just being able to talk about anything really. Or maybe even not talk about anything at all and be comfortable with that silence.

I never would have guessed that i would have fallen so hard for you. I never would have guess how much i'd end up loving you.

A little over seven months together, and you're still around. You've still stuck it through with me even though i can be a crazy nut ball sometimes. I know things have changed, we're so comfortable with each other now that we don't care too much about impressing one another. Things aren't the same you know? Because we all know the front that people put up when they first meet each other. Showing one another that they're a keeper. Well you're a keeper alright.

We've seen each other in all the gore and glory. The good and the bad, we've seen it from each other. We've seen each other as who we really are behind closed doors, and i feel like i can really be myself around you.

My family (especially my mom) went from not being so sure about you, to asking where you were when you weren't around.

You're the sweetest, greatest, and best thing that has ever came into my life and stayed. I really hope this continues on longer, because i love the fact that you're in my life. I love you so, so much, to the moon and back and to the moon and back again. I'm a really lucky girl to have been blessed by someone that treats me as great as you do.

I love you sweetie.

♥

Dating

2012-01-15T23:57:00.000-08:00

What is the whole idea of "dating" anyhow? Dating can be whatever you make it up to be. Meeting someone who catches your attention and makes your heart beat a bit faster while having your face flushed. Dating can be just a fling for now, temporary kind of thing. Maybe its for experimentation.

The way i see it, dating is so you can find what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Finding the right person who suits you and makes your perfectly happy. You go through people like you go through foundations. You know, gotta find the perfect type of combination that will work with your skin. At the same time it has to match your skin tone nicely so you don't look like a clown. When you're going through guys, in some ways it's the same thing. Finding a guy who isn't a jerk. After a bad experience, you know not to go to people like the last one. With their good qualities, you keep that in mind in hopes you'll find that in the next person.

Hey, let's not set our standards so high now. No one is the same, and you'll never find your perfect match. It's all in a matter as to how happy you are with them, and the fact that the put up with all your shit. That's what matters.

It's not about the guy that cooks for you, dresses a certain way, drives a certain car...it's how he treats you and how he makes you feel. The rest is a plus.

So dating, it's to shape you into a more mature being. To help you know what you want in a man. To have you ready to handle him. When you get into a relationship, if you can't see yourself marrying them then you're wasting your damn time,

Keep that in mind.

Genuine

2012-01-15T23:38:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's not to find love, but to find people who genuinely love and care about you.

I just applied for a job at Ulta and Starbucks, i hope i get called in for one of them. I need to start making something of my days, and doing something with my life. Realized that i need to get my priorities straight. Such as, not focusing so much on my boyfriend and focusing more on myself. I need to focus more on myself and what i need to do to make the life around me a littler more bearable and worth living.

Everyone is going around shouting "YOLO!", trying to live by the motto of you only live once. Trying to live life to the fullest. Yah i guess you do only live once, so make this life count. I haven't been doing that. You know how people say, live on the edge, be a rebel so you have stories to tell. My life story is a boring book. I have no exciting stories to tell. I don't have memories of my life where i go back and can say "holy shit, that shit was craaazy."

Currently my days consist of either my dogs or my boyfriend. I don't go out, i don't do anything. You know what the thing is though? In my past relationship, i told myself that i'm going to give the next guy i'm with my all. Knowing that i fucked up in my last relationship in that aspect of not appreciating him or prioritizing him, i wanted to do it right this time. Well now i'm thinking about it, and what's even right? I guess it's just whatever works...well here i am giving my guy my all and prioritizing him to the fullest that it's just not working for me. Cause it sucks you know, when you make someone your number one but then you're their number three.

This time around i'm doing it the say i would do it. I'm not doing it because i said i'm going to do it, well kind of but the other reason is because i feel like he deserves this.

Well i've been sitting here tonight pondering my thoughts. I thought to myself, i have found this guy that i truly love. I really love him people. Sweetest guy that's ever came into my life. Well i have found this guy that i really love...but then upon giving him my all and prioritizing him in my life the way i have, i look around myself and i have no one else. I have put him on the top, way top to the point where no one else is on my bar. I look around and although i have my love, i have no people. And then i realized...maybe it's not about trying to find someone to love that loves you back, but its about finding people who loves you genuinely. Although finding a significant other is such a blessing, what is life when you don't have people who love you to turn to?

Naturally, as human, we need more than one input to feel at ease.

Be Hopeful

♥

Apes!

2012-01-14T00:23:00.001-08:00

Babe and i watched Rise of the Planet Apes tonight. That movie was absolutely outstanding! I loved the graphics, and the apes. Haha. For some part of the movie i was a bit confused by what the ape's objective was by breaking out of their "prison". I loved the way the apes were portrayed, especially Cesar. And i know it's all fake, but i was so in awe by how smart Cesar and the other apes became! I loved the monkeys. I cried at one part of the movie, because it was honestly just so heartbreaking. Monkeys sure are adorable, aren't they? Smart animals too.

Great movie. I give that movie 5 Bunnys on a scale of 1-5. :)

Nice Friday with my Boyfriend. We ran errands majority of the day, and then just had some Mountain Mike's and watched that movie. He has class tomorrow from 8-4 i think. So i'm going to be sitting at home enjoying my chick flick with my dog. Some alone time with me and my dog.

Last week of break and then back to the school grind. Don't think i'm mentally ready for that at all.

♥

Speechless

2012-01-12T00:05:00.000-08:00

This was so worth watching and completely blew me away. I almost teared up a little by the intensity of his words!

I watched a couple of his other videos, like one where he was sharing a testimony with some high school kids and such. I could tell that this is a guy who was really touched by the words of God. Who really follows what he preaches. What i like about what he has to say though is that everything he's preaching makes sense to me. I feel like i can really connect with what his thoughts are. You know how there are some people who try to preach words of God to you, but in some cases it's rather hypocritical or seems strange to live by. I mean there are people who live by being completely innocent or completely pure of everything to gain the love of God and Jesus. For me, that just seems unlikely. I mean it's not a bad thing, it'd be great if i can live like that too. Be a total angel. However, i'm not. After watching his videos, i honestly felt better about myself. Because he's saying that it's okay to be a mess, it's okay to be sinful. He's saying that throughout everything, God will always love you. That God knew all the mistakes and sins that we were going to make, but he still accepts and loves us as his children. Right now, i don't feel so pressured about being a faithful Catholic. That as long as i believe and have Jesus and God in my heart, that's okay. That no matter what, they'll accept me and love me. No matter what, they'll never reject me.

Everyone has their own opinion on how religion should be played. I've heard things like this before, but i've never thought about them in this way. I never really absorbed those preaches the way i did with this. This almost had me in tears, and he was just saying things that maybe at one time in my life i've kind of touched upon in my thoughts but never really grasped it. You know what i mean?

Jesus sacrificed his life for us, suffered for us so we wouldn't have to suffer. It's okay to be a mess, because he will always accept us.

♥

Graffiti

2012-01-06T23:43:00.001-08:00

Hm...the days a dwindling down. Basically two more days left where my boyfriend is completely free of stress over school. Sucks how just the thought of school can make one stress a little. I'm kind of sad that he's going to be so busy! But he got to do, what he needs to do to be successful. Even if it means going to school practically all day.

"Blogging is like graffiti with punctuations."
My boyfriend and I watched Contagion last night. That movie was pretty good. There was a scene in the movie where this guy was speaking to blogger and telling him how being a blogger is not the same thing as being a writer. And he said that blogging is just graffiti with punctuations. I liked that line; however i kind of disagree because blogging is just a more freestyle form of writing. But nonetheless, it is still writing.

Well I'm laying in bed right now typing this post up with my iPhone. It actually more of a hassle this way, but I was planning on sleeping because I have a bad headache. As I was laying here though, I decided to blog and put my blogger app into some good use.

Looking forward to last two days of no school stress with my boyfriend. It's rather bittersweet.

♥

iPhone Post!!!

2012-01-04T23:04:00.001-08:00

iPhone has a blogger app! This is so exciting. I'm typing this up on MY NEW PHONE right at this moment, and the funny thing is that I have my laptop right in front of me. I've been waiting for this day to come -- the day when I finally upgrade to an iPhone.

Anyways, this really came out of the blue. I wasn't suppose to get an upgrade till September but since my dad decided to open up a line with sprint, I had the chance to get an iPhone. :)

I just downloaded a bunch of apps and I'm just playing with my phone right now. I got it in black, but I guess that's alright. I honestly rather have the black iPhone than wait till September for a white iPhone :p Nothing wrong with the black iPhone, only downside is that the white one looks good with a lot of the cute cases out there. I just bought myself a white speck candy case p line with red borders. I hope my phone looks nice with it.

♥

Lady

2012-01-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend was listening to this on my computer earlier, and left it open. I love his taste in music.

♥

Miniature Golfing

2012-01-03T23:38:00.000-08:00

Started the day off earlier than usual with my boyfriend. He drove my car home last night, and came back this morning around 10 to pick me up because i had a doctor's appointment scheduled at 12pm. However, they called me this morning when i finished getting ready to tell me not to come in. So we sat around for a little bit trying to figure out what we wanted to do today.

Ended up going to Golfland. I remember when we first started dating, he would always try to make plans to go mini golfing, but it never worked out because his friends were never down to go. We finally went today with just the two of us. It was probably my second time golfing, i think. It was a close game! We tied at the 10th hole, but i just couldn't keep up. The courses just got harder, and i was also pretty hungry so i guess i didn't put too much effort into it. Hahahah, idk. I'm just making up excuses. He beat me by 11 putts. Boooo!

We printed coupons online where it was one game + 20 tokens for $11 something per person. So we both had 20 tokens to go off and play in the arcade. We played a couple games of Initial D and other car/racing games. I am NOT good at those games. I keep running into the walls! He makes it look so much easier than it actually is. There weren't many games that really interested us and we had more coins left over so we went to the other side of the arcade to play the games that win tickets. I swear, i think those games were rigged. It was all so janky too. Haha. We just played randomass games and ended up with 69 tickets; which got us four airheads. :p

By the time we were done at Golfland, it was around 430pm and we were super hungry by then since we haven't indulged anything but coffee all day. We decided to go to Pepper Lunch at McCarthy Ranch to grub. The place didn't open for dinner till 530pm though. We considered just driving back to Fremont to eat sushi at Madfish, but when we saw that there was traffic building up we just drove back to Pepper Lunch and waited for them to open. It wasn't that long of a wait actually. Haha. Babe bought me some Fantasia after we ate. :3 Hehehh.

I guess we should have thought twice about eating so much, because my brother's girlfriend's celebration was tonight also. Originally, i was thinking that my boyfriend and i wouldn't go out to eat dinner tonight but we were so hungry and since we were in the area, we just went and got Pepper Lunch. We were still pretty full by the time her birthday dinner came around.

Like usual, my boyfriend and i arrived at my brother's house before the rest of my family. So, we went to his garage and played some pool to wait for the rest of them. My boyfriend and i played a couple of games of pool. I won once because he accidentally hit the 8 ball in. He pretty much all the other times, but there was this one game where it was so close! I don't understand how he keeps beating me at everything. -____- It's not fair. I need to find something that i can beat him at.

We did a lot today, more than usual. Golfing, Pepper Lunch, Fantasia/Quickly's, Pool, Family Dinner. I took him home right after dinner because he wanted to go home early to sleep early because he has a doctors appointment tomorrow at 8am. I have my doctors tomorrow at 11am all the way in SJ. I hate driving out there by myself.

I had such a lovely time with my baby today. :) I'm going to miss this stress free quality time that we've been spending together this break when school starts again. I'm going to be going to school, and he's going to be super super busy with De Anza, his CNA school, and possibly work. Gotta cherish every moment spent! It's going to back to the ole grind starting next week -- for him at least. I have two more weeks of break left, and i don't really know what to do with it. After this i wont get to see my boyfriend as often anymore. Sad, but we'll get through. Just about 2 months and he'll be done with his CNA school. Maybe it'll go by quickly.

In the meantime, i need to find stuff to do with my life. Haha.

♥

January 1, 2012

2012-01-03T01:27:00.000-08:00

Since my boyfriend slept over at my house on NYE, i woke up on my first morning on 2012 with him beside me. Hahah. :p

He was still knocked out from the previous night, and i didn't even manage to get out of bed till 1pm. I got up and took a shower and cleaned up a little bit before waking him up. I didn't want to spend my first day of the year in bed all day, so i managed to actually get myself going. I got him to wake up, and took him home so he can clean himself up and get ready.

When he woke up earlier, and gained full consciousness he told me that we were going to go get some Boiling Crab. I laughed and agreed to that, because after the experience with Ray's Crab Shack, Boiling Crab didn't sound like such a bad idea. We went to the Boiling Crab on E. Capitol Expressway, and arrived there around 5pm. Got seated within 15 minutes or so and got seated at a booth in the corner of the restaurant. We ordered the same things as usual. Mmmm it was truly satisfying. Our first meal of 2012. Haha. Go figure!

Ended the night with movies from Red Box, junk food, and each other. I love this guy!

♥

Happy New Years!

2012-01-03T01:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years everyone!

Hope everyone had a fun and memorable + safe New Years celebration. Haha. I actually forgot what i did the last day of 2011. O_O Well i know for a fact that i was with my boyfriend that whole day. Wow, i have no idea why i can't even remember what i did! Strange...now i'm sitting here really trying to think, but i can only recall my evening. I want to say that i went to the mall again, but i don't know.

Okay, i remember now. I don't know how the hell i could have forgotten this. We did kind of just planned this last minute right before he came over to my house. On Saturday, my boyfriend came over and picked me up. We went and got some Jamba Juice and returned a redbox movie. We then drove to Palo Alto! See, i don't know how i could have forgotten what we did because i've been dying to go to Palo Alto ever since him and i first started seeing each other. Haha. I've just really been dying to go to Sprinkles, but he's never wanted to. So when i brought it up, i was surprised that he was down to go there. Well the plan was to go to Ike's Place because i heard that they have really good sandwiches there and i wanted to try it out. But since we got Jamba Juice before heading out to Palo Alto, we weren't all that hungry just yet and went to the Stanford shopping center instead. We didn't really want to walk all over the place, because i didn't want to get back home too late. So we just went to Macy's and Urban Outfitters. I got myself a cute denim top, and he scored himself a nice jacket for $5! I was so envious that he found such a great deal on such a nice jacket, and i couldn't get a cheap jacket for myself. :(

Went to Sprinkles right after Urban Outfitters, and it was right in the Stanford shopping plaza! I've been there a couple of times, and i don't know how i missed that it was apart of the Stanford Shopping plaza. Got the two of us two red velvet cupcakes and a glass bottle of coke. ^_^ Hehe. We only ate one of it, and the other one is still in my fridge. Sadly, Ike's Place closes at 5pm on weekends, and i didn't even know that. I really wanted to go there, and it was originally the whole reason we went to Palo Alto. We ended up just going to Pizza My Heart. So i guess it was a bittersweet moment. I've always wanted to go to Pizza My Heart too. It wasn't as fantastic as i thought it would be, because whenever i walk by this place in Valleyfair it would always smell so amazing. Nonetheless, it was still good! They had really good cheese to go with the pizza. I enjoyed it very much. :)

We headed back home, and i got ready. I just touched up my makeup a little bit, nothing too much. I added on my falsies since i never wear them and thought tonight would be appropriate -- my boyfriend thought it was too much. The night went by so slow. We couldn't figure out what to do. He didn't want to come with me to join Lisa at the warehouse party in SJ. So we went and met up with his friends. None of them had any idea or plan for the night. I was in complete shock. These guys who always get together to drink, play beer pong, or even to just kick it with hella people were not able to make up plans on NYE. I had a couple invites, but since i could have only brought my boyfriend if i went and not his whole group also, it wasn't an option for me. We finally got to a party around 10pm. Which was late for me considering that the previous year, by 10pm i was already getting drunk. Haha. I guess i was just kind of getting worried that the night wasn't going to go anywhere. I got drunk with my boyfriend, or rather myself and strangers because my boyfriend got shitfaced and disappeared into the night. Lol. Ended the night with him yacking, and his friend taking us both home. I took my boyfriend home with me. I had to text my mom before hand letting her know that he was going to stay over, and she kept telling me to just take him home. I didn't want to tell her that he was drunk, and all i was able to say was "No, he can't go home. He's coming over." I was pretty drunk too, i tried to drive but dang that was so hard...i took care of him until he fell asleep. My mom heard us come home and came over to my room and saw him hanging off my bed. She made him some hot lemonade to drink.

It's the first night a boy has ever slept over at my house and my mom knew about it. LOL. I wish he was actually sober though. Last day of 2011 was pretty great, and i'm glad i got to spend it with my loveee. Everything turned out nicely. 2011 sure was a blessing.

♥

Ray's Crab Shack

2011-12-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

Went to Ray's Crab Shack because babe wanted to see how good it actually was compared to The Boiling Crab. I've heard good things about it. No one really complained about it or anything, and yelpers even said it was pretty good.

Unfortunately, the experience for my boyfriend and i wasn't the greatest. We went in with an open mind and gave it a chance. Perhaps they were having a bad kitchen day or something, i don't know. My boyfriend especially, being a huge fan of The Boiling Crab, was very disappointed by the outcome.

When we entered the restaurant, we were pretty please by the setting of the place. Everything looked really nice and comfortable. It was like a fancier version of The Boiling Crab. The bibs were nicer, and they even gave us gloves (although we preferred not to use them). The food came out, and that's when the disappointment and judging began.

The shrimp sauce was real pasty, and had a strange taste to it. I don't know what it was but it wasn't the type of flavor that you can continually eat, where you'd get sick of it fast. As a person who doesn't really like shrimp in the first place, i'd say my opinion of the shrimp would be bias. However, judging by the fact that The Boiling Crab was able to make their shrimp delectable to someone who generally doesn't like shrimp, i feel like i can say that Ray's Crab Shack's shrimp was not up to par. But since i'm not much of a shrimp person, i let that one slide a little bit until i got to the corn. I was so sad when i took the first bite of my corn. It was plain and...plain. There was no flavor to it except for the pasty shrimp sauce that i didn't even enjoy in the first place. Then we have the Cajun fries. The fries appeared as if they came from the frozen section of the grocery store, and this place just took that and threw it in the oven and added some Cajun powder on it. Another downside is that they got soggy, fast. My boyfriend and i only ate a couple and didn't finish it all.

Maybe we were being a little harsh on the place because we are so used to The Boiling Crab, but goodness, that was such a disappointing experience. My experience at Ray's Crab Shack has actually made me like The Boiling Crab a little more, since my boyfriend and i go there so much i sort of got sick of it. Going here actually made me crave Boiling Crab a little.

Babe's Birthday: Boiling Crab

2011-12-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

On the 27th, i joined his family for dinner at Boiling Crab. Babe, his friend, and i went to the Boiling Crab on Curtner Rd. before his family did to put our name down. The wait was said to be about 2 hours. We got there around 6pm i believe and since Boiling Crab is his all time favorite restaurant ever, we had to wait to eat there.

Well i didn't even eat anything the whole day, so i had to go over to the Target in the plaza and get myself a hotdog. That hot dog practically saved my life. We ended up waiting 3 hours to get seated. I would have probably passed out or something if it wasn't for that hot dog. Anyways, we took a while to get everyone's order down. It was a party of 11. I got my usual: One pound of mild Lemon Pepper shrimp with a corn in the bag, Sprite, and Cajun fries. We waited for a couple minutes and then our waitress came back telling us that the kitchen has informed her that they have ran out of shrimp. That was the first time i've ever heard of such a thing. You would think that at a place like that, where the shrimp demand is the highest that they'd have an endless supply of shrimp. Well dang, i think my boyfriend and his sister were bouta tear the place down. We seriously waited way too long to not be able to get any food...Luckily though, they said that they'll go down to the Boiling Crab down on E. Capitol and get us the shrimp. So we waited another 20-30 minutes to get our food out to us. I guess in the end it was all worth it to his boyfriend. He rather wait a longass time to get his favorite food on his birthday than not have it at all.

Ended the night drinking with his friends. He took me home early because i didn't have my car and he didn't want random guys taking me home. I was alright kind of buzzed when i got home. He waited till after he dropped me off to start his night off. Kind of sucked on my part because i wanted to party with him on his birthday, but i didn't get the chance to do that. I guess it's alright because technically, i did spend his birthday with him. :)

Happy Birthday Baby!!! :p

♥

Babe's Birthday

2011-12-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

I took my boyfriend out to celebrate his birthday on the 26th. Originally, i wanted to have the whole day as a surprise so then he wouldn't know what we would be doing as the day goes by. However, since i'm the worse with planing and i was pretty skeptical about whether or not he would enjoy my plans or not, i decided to just tell him the night before.

I told him to try to wake up early and be ready by 12 so we can head out to San Francisco. I took him to GoKart Racer in Burlingame, SF. It was our first time GoKarting. I thought that i wouldn't really enjoy it too much, but it was a pretty fun experience! It was kind of hard to turn the steering wheel, so i had to drive faster to make it easier. I got stuck on the track about 3 or 4 times because i either ran into the walls or got stuck behind someone else who ran into the wall. Everyone was going hella fast, and i thought i was going fast too but the lady on the track kept telling me to move out of the way because there were faster drives coming up at me. Eventually i found my boyfriend and i tried keeping up with him, but then lost him momentarily after.

Originally i wanted to go to Japan Town to have some crepes because he never had crepes before, but then when we got done with Gokarting, it was later than we expected and we were kind of tired and hungry. So we just headed back home to my house to grab some stuff and headed out to San Jose to have dinner at Maggiano's Little Italy. I remember when i first met him, he told me how he liked eating there. He also was considering taking me there for my birthday. So i took my little Italian boy to Little Italy. :) The bill came out to be pricey; however, it was cheaper than what i expected it to be. We were surprised that for a place as fancy as this, they gave us little lemon cookies with candles stuck in them, rather than and actual mini cake or something.

After dinner, we went to mountain view to AMC mercado to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. We got a little behind on time with dinner. We were planning to watch the movie at 9pm, but when we got in the theatre, it was packed. So we had to go watch the movie in IMAX at 10:20pm. Instead of sitting in the theatre waiting till then, we walked around the plaza and went to TJMax. I bought a Michael Kors bag (which is now my favorite bag) for about $170. It's original price was $320. So not too bad. It's a nice leather bag too. And matches the Toms my boyfriend got me for Christmas. :)

The movie in IMAX was whatever. I thought it'd be really amazing since i paid an extra five dollars for each ticket, but i barely noticed how different the quality was. The lady told us that IMAX is suppose to be better image quality and surround sound. I guess that you just can't really tell because you don't exactly have anything to compare it to. And also, when sitting in a theatre, it's generally loud. So i don't know. I don't think it's worth paying an extra 5 dollars for.

Good day with my baby, and i'm glad he enjoyed his day. :)

♥

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

This is the first Christmas i got to spend with my boyfriend. It's nice how accepting they are of him and even went out of their way to get him gifts also. We celebrated christmas this year at my brother's house. He just got new furniture for his home, and his house looked super cozy.

Christmas doesn't seem to be the same as it used to anymore. I'm guessing it's just because we're all getting older and we don't care too much about it anymore? I don't know. What we all look forward to is probably just the Christmas dinner, and the family time spent together. The gifts is just a plus.

Bunny in a fishing net.

Well, i hope everyone had a nice and cheerful Christmas. :)

♥

Newpark With Jessica

2011-12-23T00:08:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and got ready to start my day. Took a shower, did my everyday makeup and dried my hair. Afterwards, i made myself a bowl of pho, watched Big Bang Theory, and curled my hair.

I had plans today to go hangout Jessica finally ever since we graduated. Finally i was getting to see her! We were never able to work out a schedule that fit with the both of us, and we finally made it work out. We were going to get lunch, but i decided that i rather eat at home because i've been spending way too much money this week. So, i just accompanied her at Newpark for a couple hours. She was just trying to find a couple of things to buy for people on her Christmas list. I found a gift for my mom finally. It was nice to finally get to see her. She's wearing making now! I was shocked. o:

So i bought Lena grey Toms for Christmas, just like she wanted. She really wanted Toms, so i got them for her. Obviously i wouldn't tell her what i got her though; however, she went and asked her aunt from her dad's side of the family to get her grey Toms. Sigh...so now, i have to go find something else for her -- which sucks because it probably wont be that great of a gift anymore. Such a disappointed.

I still need to get my dad and brother something, i plan on getting that done tomorrow for sure.

& I finally get to see my baby tomorrow! I missed him so much.

♥

Gift Wrapping + Tram

2011-12-21T23:51:00.001-08:00

Wrapped up all the gifts i bought today for my family. It took a long time for some reason, and i ran out of one roll of the penguin wrapping paper. I hope i have enough to wrap the gifts i'm about to buy for my mom, dad, and brother.

Well i wanted to go to Valleyfair today again to return some stuff that i bought from there on Monday, so i asked Tram to accompany me. I haven't seen her in so long! I swear she is the WORSE person to go shopping with. Omfg. I intended to go there just to return stuff to get my money back, in the end i spent it all again. -___________- I returned the pants i bought from Arden B which were about 60 something. I then ended up buying a leather jacket from there that was 45 dollars. It was on sale. I guess i've been looking for a black leather jacket anyways...but gosh i'm just spending so much money this week that it hurts so much to spend more. I can't help it. Went to Victoria Secret's because she wanted to return something and i ended up spending 80 dollars there. Sigh. SIGH. I guess i'm just going to go return other stuff and get my money back. Maybe i don't exactly need a trench coat. I'll see...hmph. I was going to buy myself a Michael Kors watch too as a gift to myself, but after spending so much money on gifts and unnecessary money on myself (lol), i don't think i will anymore.

It was nice seeing Tram again. We caught up, i plan to see her again sometime during our break. :)

I hella miss my boyfriend, but he's busy tonight and couldn't come see me. What makes it worse is that he left his phone at home so i can't even talk to him. Bleh. Okay bye!

♥

Baking With Lena

2011-12-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

Picked Lena up today from school and went to Newpark because i was looking for a white sweater or cute blouse/button up so i can wear for my family party and/or my boyfriend's family party. I was unsuccessful with trying to find a sweater/button up, but i found a cute blouse!

We went back to her house to start baking. She wanted me to come over to her house so i can help her bake mini cheesecakes for her classmates, because tomorrow is the last day of class before her winter break and her birthday is on Friday. It seriously took a lot longer than i expected it to. I think we would have finished faster if we didn't mess up the first batch. Three batches in total, and one failed. It didn't exactly fail on us because it still tasted good. Just Lena didn't like it because it was hella ugly. The next two batches we made turned out looking better, the crust crumbled a bit when removing it from the foil. I don't know what she'll be doing about that.

I never realized how easy it was to actually bake. It's the whole making the goodies turn out like perfection that's the challenge. Because although they come out ugly, it still tastes good. :)

Four more days till Xmas!! :D

Six more days till Babe's birthday :p

♥

Xmas Shopping

2011-12-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

Woke up today thinking it was going to be a good day, and nonetheless, it was definitely a good day! I had a pretty productive morning, and a rather productive rest of the day as well. For the rest of the week, i hope to be able to keep myself busy with things to do. Whether it's hanging out with a friend, cleaning the house, or reading a book, i want to not have to sit at home contemplating about what to do and thinking how boring the day is.

Anyhow, i had a productive day today at the mall. I was suppose to go Christmas shopping on Saturday, but i had a minor setback with my plans and ended up not going. So my boyfriend and i went today. I didn't realize how late i am was on getting my Christmas shopping done! Luckily i got most of it done today, i was afraid that i wouldn't be able to. I only have 3 family members left, but i'll probably get their gifts tomorrow. Gosh i was getting so antsy at the mall, i hella just wanted to stop and go home but i just had to finish buying stuff. My feet started hurting and became stressed out from contemplating on what to get certain people, as well as the crowded mall itself.

I'm happy though because i finally found nice black jeans that fit me! I've been searching for nice black jeans for such a long time now, and i finally found a pair that i like. They're comfortable, and fit nicely in all ways. It's a little long, but i can bear with it. I'd be even more pleased if i was able to find decent black boots, i've been trying to find ones i loved for such a long time now too! You gotta love the things you buy, not just buy em cause it's close to what you wanted. Am i right, or am i right? I'm right!

I spent more money than i expected to spend, and i'm super super blown away by how much i even spent, and how many times i even swiped my card today! Just mind blown. o: I was like damn, i'd never spend this much money all for myself but shoot.....i'd love to. Wouldn't you love to spend a lot of money for yourself? Maybe one day...maybe one day when i get a job. I was thinking about that today while i was standing in line with my boyfriend. Just the whole day spending so much money, i felt kind of good that i was able to even though i wasn't spending all this money on myself. Just i know it's going to just disappear soon because i have no income, so i thought about it. I don't really know yet. I want to work somewhere i'd enjoy. Definitely NOT retail. I'll see! :)

Goodness, i'm just super excited Christmas now. I'm almost ready! Gotta buy the rest of my family members their gifts, wrap everything up, and then plan my holiday outfit. :p

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week.

♥

My day on 12/15/2011

2011-12-16T01:36:00.000-08:00

Can't wait for Saturday, so i can spend some time with my baby again. He's going to accompany me while i go Christmas shopping for my fammm. Hehe, he's my favorite shopping buddy.

Gotta cherish these upcoming weeks where he's free because soon he'll just be a busy busy little bee for a whole month or two! Ahh, i'm going to be so sad and lonely not being able to see his cute little self as often anymore. Which sucks because i have a whole month off from school until i start my second semester, and i wont even be able to see him on the daily. Talk about a lame break! But i guess i'll just have to make the best of it for myself with or without him.

Today was pretty much my first day of break and i was literally in bed the whole day. To be honest, i'm pretty disgusted of myself. Bleh. After i made myself a giant bowl of Pho, i had super bad food coma and my bed just looked so warm and inviting...and then it trapped me there for the rest of the day. :l

Well i ended my night on a pretty good note. I picked up my book and read a couple chapters of Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. I'd have to say sitting here on my bed reading made my night quite relaxing and peaceful. The internet had nothing to offer me.

I don't know what my plans are for tomorrow, but i sure don't want to spend it in bed again. I just have no one to call up anymore. Sigh, i'll see what i will do. Maybe i'll clean my house...

Alright by everyone!

♥

Masks

2011-12-15T01:19:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to find the deeper meaning of this poem. I sort of understand the idea of it, but i'm not sure if i fully grasp it or not. Hmm...it's having me think quite a bit.

I'm going for something along the lines of either how some people go upon their lives not being true to themselves/the world and when trying to find someone ideal for them, it's difficult because the possibilities of that other person going through their life "masking" their true identity as well...

Or perhaps just, people go through life so fast that they don't stop to realize that what they're looking for is right there. It could also hold the same concept as what i mentioned above, people "masking" their true selves as well as going through life so fast.

Whatever it is, i like this poem.

Well Idk.

2011-12-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

I just want to make some type of impact on someone life where i mean so so much to someone. Where when things go wrong in their lives, they still think life is alright because they still have me. Where they'll let me be there for them. I want people to think that life is better than what they make it seem. Can i make life better for any one of you?

I'm not very good with comforting people, but i try my best. At the same time i don't always want to just be soft, because sometimes you got to get slapped in the face and realize things about yourself. Sometimes people don't tell you things because maybe it's too harsh. Hey, i get shit all the time. Quit your bitching, stop over analyzing things...cold truths but i try to take them into consideration to build me up as a person. Maybe the things said are solely opinions from one person, but it wouldn't hurt to have an open mind on what others say. I know, i know, fuck what others think. There are those sayings where they tell you that other people opinions don't matter. However, SOMETIMES maybe ones opinion is actually a problem you can fix.

I'm still working on my problem, i'm taking a while with fixing it but i'm trying.

I'm Just Grateful

2011-12-10T23:56:00.001-08:00

I know that although i don't have very much, that i'm a very lucky person. I don't have the nicest things, and i don't live a glamourous lifestyle nor do i appear to have one. (You know how some people, they don't really live glamorously yet they just appear to live that way -- nice things all time?)

I'll be honest, i'm lazy. Most of this laziness comes from the fact that i live a pretty easy life. My mom constantly tells me how lucky i am that i don't have to do anything, just school. Jeeze, i am lucky i guess. My parents aren't the type of parents who make me do things for myself. They don't make me go to work, or do anything. Most kids my age have to work their ass off and go to school at the same time. I guess they can handle it, but in some cases it can be rather stressful for them. I know for me it would because i'm not so used to that. My parents don't make me to any of that because they want me to focus all my attention on school. They don't want me to be working and not have enough time for my studies. So i'm lucky because i don't have to work as hard as most students do. I'm not a full time student with a part-time job who has to pay for my own gas.

Paying for your own gas is the biggest hassle for students right now, am i right? Or no...? Judging off the fact that gas is really expensive, and for students who have to pay their own gas they have to find a way to do that. With the minimum wage they're receiving, generally more than half of their paycheck goes to gas. The rest is for food, if they eat out or other expenses. Gas is always killer. Don't get me wrong, just because i don't have to pay for my own gas it still hurts me to have to get gas. I do keep my parent's money in mind, and i try to conserve my gas so i don't have to use too much of their money.

I'm lucky because i have such loving parents. I try my best to show them i love and appreciate them, and i'm glad that they aren't hateful towards me. I'm glad that they don't yell at me, and that they show their love for me. I'm glad we can share laughs with each other and have a healthy relationship with one another. As goes for my siblings.

There is just so much in my life that i'm grateful for. I'm a lucky person, i really am. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful family, and i'm young and alive.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

2011-12-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

Signed up for my classes yesterday, and only got one of the four classes that i originally wanted. The other ones were just completely full. Such a bummer! I thought i had it all figured out till the last minute when it was finally time for my registration date and i had to scurry away and plan out a new schedule that would fit nicely as quickly as possible in the case that other classes would get filled up in the next few minutes or so.

I didn't feel like i had the time to go through ratemyprofessor.com to see if the teachers would be good teachers or not; nor did i really have to choice. I was limited to which teachers and class times i could chose from because other ones were full. I kind of just had to go with it if i wanted to acquire more units. Also, i had to chose alternative classes to take instead of the ones i originally was planning to take. I guess it's alright because i didn't really feel like taking stats next semester, but now i have to take speech. I don't know much of what that class is, but i know for sure that i will NOT like talking in front of people....too shy.

Well, i paid for my classes today and now i'm just hoping that next semester will go well for me.

Babe and i also celebrated our 6th months yesterday. We didn't do much. It was basically just what we would do any other day but with more of an obligation to do it. As in, we planned the whole day before hand and intended to stick to it. Whereas, on any other day it's more of a suggestion to do certain things and the question of should we or should we not, do you want to go or not type of thing.

He had his friend make this for me. It's a photo of us painted on a canvas with a spray paint gun. I would say "spray painted" on a canvas, but he specifically told me that it's not spray paint from a spray paint can, but paint from a paint gun. I absolutely love it! I always wanted something like this to be honest. It's "artsy". And now i have one of my baby and me on my wall! I just love the way it is, i don't know how to explain it. I guess light vs. shadow, and how his friend captured it i guess. I really don't know how to explain it. LOL. But i absolutely love it. Although i put a lot of thought in what i got from him, i feel like this is just so much more sentimental and can hold more of a value.

We finally went to the nail polish place in SJ that i've been dying to go to for so long now. I got some nice nail polishes that caught my eye, and one i've been trying to get for a while now. Couldn't get the Designer...De Better from The Muppets' Collection though, and that's the one i've been dying to get my hands on. What a shame.

Then we went to Boiling Crab for dinner, yes Boiling Crab. He loves that place, and i'm merely sick of it. For some reason though, the past few weeks i was kind of craving it so i decided that we should just go there for dinner. It was good till i hit the last 5 shrimps, and i was back to that "i'm sick of this" stage.

Afterwards we went back to my house so i can change into comfy clothes because he wanted to go rent a Redbox movie and watch it at his house. So, we went and rented Limitless starring sexy Bradley Cooper and went to his place and watched it on his comfy couch with his giant T.V. It was a hella good movie!

Basically it's just about the main character Eddie, who at the beginning of the movie is living like a bum and not really doing much with his life. One day he runs into his ex wife's brother who introduces him to this mind enhancing drug that gives you 100% access to your brain. (Because according to the movie an average person can only access 20% of the information stored in the brain...i think it was 20.) Anyways, so he experienced his first pill and it made him into this super intellectual guy. He thought it was incredible! So he went to go find the brother to ask for more, turns out people were after him for his pills and killed him and ransacked his home to find the pills. Eddie ended up being able to find his stash and took it with him. And blahblahblah, the rest of the movie is how he turned his life around because of the drug and some guy was after him for the drug and so on. Watch it! It's suspenseful.

Once the movie was over, we went back to my house where we layed in bed together while he was on my computer going through supraforums and craigslists, and i just fell asleep.

I had a nice day with him, just like any other day of course. :)

Happy Sixth Months Babe, i love yaaah. ♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Pt. 1

2011-11-27T01:40:00.000-08:00

Babe came over today and told me to get dressed and get ready. He didn't tell me where we were going, in my head i just figured we were going to go eat like usual. He made it seem like it was a giant secret where he was planning on taking me. Kind of trying to keep it a secret or have me wonder. Which worked, because i was hella wondering why he wasn't just telling me where we were going.

We went to Starbucks because he said he wanted some, and i got a tall Caramel Brulee Late. It was a good drink! I think it was definitely better than the Peppermint White Mocha. I asked him again where we were going, or what we were doing because he still hasn't told me. I was pretty sure Starbucks was not the mystery place he was planning on taking me. So he told me i had two choices of what we could do for the day: go to Valleyfair to go shopping (some more) or go watch Twilight. I think he thought about Valleyfair because yesterday for Black Friday we went shopping at New Park mall, OF ALL MALLS. For some crazy reason we didn't even think about what a poor mall choice it was to go there until we left at 8pm. -_________- I hella wanted to go to Valleyfair in the first place, but it slipped my mind somehow. And then Twilight was probably the second option because i've been hella wanting to watch it!

So i contemplated for a while because i kind of wanted to go to Valleyfair to look for shoes; however, i didn't want to go shopping again because i needed to save my money. I also didn't want to waste my time driving down to Valleyfair and risking us leave empty handed with an unhappy me that didn't get to buy boots. So, we went and watched Twilight. :)

But first...

Since i was hungry, we went to eat at Sushi Boat. The sushi was pretty good, but i still prefer Madfish or Satomi. It was a little more pricey than i would have hoped. Lunch was on me. :)

Then we went and watch Twilight. Starbucks, Sushi Boat, and the theatre was all in the same plaza so we didn't drive all over the place. I guess i wont go into detail about how the movie went. All i'll say is that it was awkward for most of it, but the ending was so intense. I can't wait for part two! :p

I can tell by how the day went that he thought it over about what he wanted to do with me today. It was nice because generally we're always either not doing anything or trying to figure out what to do with "what do you want to do"s being asked back and forth. It's so sweet that he thought of what i wanted to today! I love him for that. :)

And he was such a trooper sitting through two hours of Twilight with me. Hehe.

Overall, i had a really nice time today. I can't wait for next week. :p

♥

Thankful For My Family

2011-11-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

I'm grateful for the family i have, because they have done wonders to help me realize what a great life i have. My dad reminds us repeatedly how we should be blessed to have what we have, and should never compare ourselves to those who have more than us. His philosophy on happiness is to be happy, you just have to be happy for what you have and not sad for what you don't have. I've noticed with my family that we are all so comfortable with just what we have. We're fine with the life that we live and the money that we make and we don't care too much about being glamorous or fancy. We settle for what we have and we're okay with that.

Such as my brother and his girlfriend for example, they worked hard for what they have and bought a house together. They don't try too hard to buy such nice things, and only shop for things they need or can even afford. I suppose that you can say that pretty much everyone does that, but the lifestyle that they're living...man, you just need to see them to understand what i'm trying to explain. Well i look up to my brother, i always have. To see how carefree his life is, and how carefree he is in general just makes me feel happy. Seeing that he's so happy with how his life is going, living to modestly and such makes me just see that you really don't need much. Him and his girlfriend make their own lives manageable to be happy in.

My mom and my sister also. As woman, we always want to have nice things. Generally always, right? Well as much as they wish they can have nice things such as designer this and that, or just have the money to live lavishly, they don't. Although they want that and don't have it, they're perfectly okay with it! I mean, it's always a wish to be able to live lavishly but in such circumstances you need to compromise. I don't know. My mom and my sister are great role models to me. Once you have children, you sacrifice a lot to make them happy; and in turn their happiness can be your own happiness.

And lastly, my dad. Gosh my dad, i don't know. I've written posts about him before how i'm not as connected with him as much as i want to be. But from what i noticed from him, he's such a carefree and down to earth type of man. He does good to do good, not to be praised. I love that about him. He never fails to be helpful. If you need something, he'll be there. My whole life, he's always been there for me. He's done so much for me and i never really stopped to thank him or show that i appreciate him. He's taught me a lot, and i really respect him.

I don't know if what i said made much sense, but basically i'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful because they're all wonderful people and i'm blessed to have them. I'm glad that my siblings are all making an effort to bring our family together by throwing little get together or family dinners just for the hell of it rather than just for occasions. I'm glad that we're able to share laughs together now, because before (especially for me) there would always be tension with my brother. I'm thankful that they have taught me to be happy with what i have, be happy for my life and have shaped me into the person i am today.

I want to take the time to say to whoever is reading (if anyone is even reading...) that you all should take the time whenever you can in your everyday life to tell your parents you love and appreciate them. Let your siblings know that you haven't forgotten about them. Because it's really important that you do. I try to let my mom know as much as i can how much i love and appreciate her for everything, because i don't want to someday regret that i didn't.

Well, happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you all have a great one.

♥

Thankful for My Love

2011-11-23T20:59:00.001-08:00

I am truly blessed to have him as a part of my life. I am also very thankful for all that he has done for me, and i will never forget to show him how much i appreciate him for everything.

♥

Hoops

2011-11-18T21:27:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes we expect much more from others because we are willing to do that much more for them."

I'm willing to do so much for you. So much...i'd seriously jump through hoops for you. Drop my plans if i know you're available. I'd buy you the world if i could, i want to make you happy; however, i don't want to spoil you too much right. I want to show you off, let everyone know what i great guy you are. I want to take you places, explore new foods, and experience new things with you. I want to create fantastic memories with you. Sometimes i just wish that you would notice how much in love i am with you, and give me back the same amount of love. Sometimes i wish you would jump through hoops for me too.

Maybe i expect too much from you, that's right i do. But it's only because i'm so willing to do so much more for you. Is it too much to ask the things i ask? Perhaps it is...i'm sorry i expect too much. I'm not perfect.

Buffet

2011-11-18T00:31:00.000-08:00

I've been getting a little bit better with my homework managing, i mean so far i have two more assignments for math to do until it's actually due on Saturday. Except i kind of pushed it till last minute when my teacher decided to want to make all the homework due Thursday. Thank goodness she didn't or i'd be stuck in a situation. So for this chapter i had 7 homework assignments to do. We started the chapter last Thursday and i didn't really want to do any of the homework, i tried to a little but it just seemed too overwhelming. About 30-50 problems each assignment. I guess the amount of problems i had stressed me out a little, but when i sat down to really do it Wednesday evening, it got through two assignments relatively fast.

So decided (since Wednesday night) that if i just do two assignment each night from that night on for the chapter, then i'll be on track. Anyways, today i completely my 2 assignment homework goal and i was starving! I was about to go out and buy some butter so i can make myself some mashed potatoes but my sister decided to text me and ask me if i wanted to go out to a buffet. I swear, i think this was one of the most exciting things i've heard in a while.

After a long homework session and being at home by myself bored all day, being invited to go to a buffet with my sister was exciting to me. How sad is that...

Anyways, it was really nice. I went with my mom, my sister, and Lena. Just the ladies. :)

We ate and all talked about things. I don't even remember what we talked about, but it was really nice. We sat there till the place closed basically. Haha. My mom loves going to buffets. And tonight i got to satisfy most of my cravings with cheap food, but it was good enough for me!

Went to my sister's afterwards because Lena wanted me to sculpt things for her. While doing that, i had a nice long talk with my sister about life and relationships. I love my sister, sometimes i wish that she was closer to my age so we can go to the club together or something. :p I wouldn't mind that. Can't wait till i'm 21 though so i can finally drink with my siblings and my parents.

Thanksgiving next week, i'm excited. :3

Okay, Bye.

♥

Reminder

2011-11-14T00:29:00.000-08:00

Hi there.

Just here to remind everyone that I love my boyfriend, he's the sweetest thing.

Today he did everything for me. I love how he would generally just do anything for me with no questions asked. Willing to just let me lay in bed while i ask him to make me tea and food, and do everything else. Such a sweetheart.

Okay, bye. :)

♥

Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

2011-11-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

Didn't really do too much today. Babe's super sick, and seeing him lay in my bed kind of just wanted me to go lay down with him. So instead of homework i just laid in bed for most of the day and tried to tend to him. Too bad he was just completely exhausted and was just knocked out the whole time. So it was a peaceful day with him today. He looked so miserable whenever he would wake up. Poor thing, i hope he feels better.

So i want to learn how to cook. I just don't know what dish i want to attempt to make first. Babe and i go out and eat way too much, whether it's a restaurant or fast food. I guess once here and there would be okay, but i think we got so used to eating out that we're just always going out to eat. Then again...there's never really anything at my house to eat. It's been like that for years huh. Lol. We're always at my house too, so when we're hungry...our first thought is to just go out. I guess it's too time consuming to go out and buy stuff too. But i want to learn how to cook just because i should. Haha, girls need to know how to make food right? All i know how to make is spaghetti, and according to my Italian stallion, it's not even legit spaghetti. :(

Anyways, i told Babe that and he said he wants to learn too! So we're going to try and cook something together. Lool. Lets hope that works out well. Wish us luck :p

Lauryn Hill - Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

♥

Baby Chowder

2011-11-03T18:14:00.000-07:00

I was going through old emails that i've sent over the past couple of years. I found this picture in an email i sent to my mom. It's Chowder as a baby! I didn't notice that she had that collar and name tag since she was a puppy. She was always such a cutie. Fluffy ball of cuteness. We still have her cage too. It's still in the family room...not in use anymore. She sleeps in it.

Oh, i don't know why i'm torturing myself like this. I really wish she wasn't gone. I fucking hate that she is. I don't like the thought of it...but i keep thinking about it. I guess over time i'll get over her death.

It's raining tonight. I really hope the city or someone took her out of the street. I don't want her to get rained on, and i really don't want cars carelessly driving over her body even more.

I miss you so much Chowder...

Do Good Anyway

2011-11-03T16:32:00.001-07:00

"The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have. It may never be enough, but give your best anyway"
- Mother Teresa

♥

Makeup

2011-11-02T23:20:00.001-07:00

Hm...the day started off pretty well today. Considering what happened last night. I woke up with swollen eyes so i just didn't go to school. Part of me really wanted to go find her and see her, even though i knew i wouldn't be able to handle seeing her like that. Well good thing Babe didn't go to school either (he woke up late), so he accompanied me at Starbucks for a while. I ended up not going to my second class either, and just went to class to turn in my essay and then i left to spend the rest of the afternoon with Babe till he had to go to work.

After he left i decided to just complete my homework, of course i was obligated to. For some reason, tonight i kept getting super distracted. I guess i just really didn't want to do any math at all. It took my 4 hours to finish all the assignments that were due today. -_____-

I kept taking little breaks in between problems, thats why. Haha. Surfing Tumblr, talking to people on Facebook, talking to my mom, playing with Bunny, finding things to eat, and doing my make up! I haven't done my make up like this in such a long time. I just wanted to play around with my make up tonight because i was bored...you can't really tell what i did with my eyeshadow, but i was pretty proud of the outcome. :) I'm not very good with applying makeup.

I did my eyebrows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, falsies, and blush. I don't wear foundation so i'm not completely caked faced there. :p

I left my make up on for the rest of the evening, until just now. I was about to wipe all my make up off but i decided to just wipe off half of it momentarily to take this second picture. LOL. I wanted to have a side by side comparison of me with half a face of make up and half natural. (That way, it's not as gruesome as a full face of no makeup...lol jk...) Now i'm like the Asian lady that you see pictures of with half a face of caked on makeup, and half of nothing.

You can see here, on the left, everything is just bolder and more "enhanced" as you can say. Darker eyes, darker eyebrows, fuller lashes, and rosier cheeks. Interesting, huh?

Anyways, my mom was completely down today. Apparently she knew about what happened to Chowder way before i did, but she didn't want to tell me. No wonder her eyes were red and watery when i saw her last night. She was telling me that she loved Chowder so much, that Chowder would always follow her around and stay by her side. Now she doesn't really have anyone to keep her company because Bunny is always around me. I hope she'll feel better. She didn't go to work today either, and wasn't in the mood to really do much around the house; so, she ended up going thrift shopping. I love my mommma.

Well all in all, today was an alright day. That's all i gotta say for now. Bye!

♥

Chowder

2011-11-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

My dog has been missing for over a week now. I was about to go to the pound again yesterday to see if i can try to see if she's there again. I think this time, i should have tried to look for her harder. I should have walked around the neighborhood to try and find her.

My brother's girlfriend found her today. Someone called in and said they saw her on Mission Blvd/ Tamarack. She called me to let me know the news. I knew it wasn't good the second she told she had some news about Chowder. I was pretty much speechless, and tears just came faster than anything. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. I just wish i could have found her earlier.

I am regretful that i didn't show her as much love as i wanted. It's because of her little peeing condition. Always peeing and running away with a trail pee behind her. I got tired of cleaning it every time i petted her, that eventually i just stopped petting her all together. Every now and then i would...but most of the time i'd just get annoyed that she just kept peeing. I knew all she wanted was affection, i really wish i gave it to her. I really did adore her, i really did. She's the most beautiful dog. Her lovely coat, her cute pink nose, and her hazel eyes.

Really wish she found her way home. Christine only found a couple blocks down from my house...she was so close to home. Now she's just in the streets, and people are going to carelessly drive over her body. I want to try to go get her, so she doesn't have to go through that. Christine tried to, but she said the road is too busy. Is there any way i can get her out of the street?

Rest In Peace my little Angel. I love you, i hope everything is better for you now. ♥

Halloween 2011

2011-10-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

Halloween weekend was this weekend! I did not go out and celebrate it. I did not have 3 costumes for every day of this weekend, nor did i go out to parties dressed up. I really wanted to dress up though actually. Haha. I wanted to dress up and go out, have funn. Do fun things! I guess some things came up, and it didn't happen. No biggie though.

I didn't even get to carve a pumpkin this year with my boothaang. :(

Halloween is dying out. People stopped decorating, no one really wants to contribute to this holiday. Leaving bowls out on their porch, turning off all the lights so people wont bother them. My mom was talking to my family bout how she doesn't even want to dare to open the door for anyone that night. Doesn't want to be risked getting attacked while she's most vulnerable, you know? Parents don't want their kids to be wandering around the streets asking for candy.

It seems as though, Halloween is soon going to just become a holiday for Adults (18+) to dress up and have an excuse to party all weekend. Amirite..?

Anyways, one thing im definitely excited for. Two dollar chipotle! I'm definitely trying to contribute in that. Hehhhe. If i don't i'll be so disappointed. :(

Kay, Goodnight.

♥

Pillow Talk

2011-10-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

Quick update of what is going on in my life:

- School is still a drag, and i've been waking up late each morning lately. I hope i don't keep that up. I don't understand why i'm waking up late, because i'm actually sleeping relatively early. (1130-1230) Well the semester is almost over, and i'm trying to think of what classes i want to take next year. Definitely Math and English again, of course. I'll have to take a look at the plan my counselor made for me do see what classes i should take. I want to take an active class too, like Butts and Guts. Just to get my work out on :) Maybe it'll make me look slightly toner...in certain places? I don't know how that stuff works. Anyways, if that's the case, i may just end up canceling my gym membership. I haven't been able to make time to go...or more like i lack the motivation. Either i have too much homework, want to take a break from everything, or want to sleep. Bleh

- However, i'm doing good in school still. Yay. My math teacher praised me a little bit today for being a good student. Hehehhe. :p

- I'm really excited for the holidays! I'm starting to make a mental list of what i want to get people. Except i thought of what i wanted to get my dad yesterday...and then today i forgot. I can't seem to recall what it is either. So maybe i should start writing my ideas down.

- On a sad note: My dog, Chowder, has been missing for three days now. I'm absolutely devastated. I cried last night thinking about her, and then i was sitting in my car today in my driveway when i got home from school and i sat there wondering where she could be, and i started crying in my car. I felt...i don't know, hopeless. My mom has already given up on hopes that she'll wander back. Really just have no idea where she could be. I'm going to check the pound tomorrow...

- On a brighter note: I'm having a nice night, aside from the fact that my boyfriend's phone died; so, he can't text me. Sadface.

Onto other unrelated topics...

Pillow Talk by WildChildSounds

I found this song i think last night on tumblr. The song (beat and singers voice) just made me so happy. It instantly put me in a good mood, and i basically just had this song on repeat. I thought it was a love song, but after listening to it over and over again, i'm starting to doubt that it's a love song.

I happy to believe that this song is actually about a break up, or something related like that. I'm loving the lyrics though, it doesn't relate to me in anyway though...

Maybe when she says "when you leave i'm lonely..." Yah, that part relates to me in someway. Also, if i was to be in a breakup, the way she's reacting would be similar to how i would react. Asking him to stay, blahblah....

It's a good song though, absolutely love it. I can't find it on Youtube though, so i can't download it through the video2mp3 thing. So for now, i'll just have to settle for listening to it through here. Enjoy this song that i happened to enjoyed very much.

♥

Have a nice night everyone. Stay joyous.

This Walrus

2011-10-26T20:17:00.001-07:00

Dogs are the cutest. Dogs dressed as walruses? Well i'll be damned.

Are we ready for Halloween everyone? Cause i for one am not. Not even sure if i'm doing anything Halloween weekend...if my boyfriend goes and does something, he better be taking me with him. :p

Something to lighten up the mood. :)

♥

Death

2011-10-20T21:45:00.001-07:00

The easiest way out of anything or everything is death; however, death does not come easy. As morbid and depressing as this may sound...it's true. It's not the easiest, there are always other options to compromise with certain situations in life.

Death does not come easy, death has a lot of consequences behind it even if you're gone from the world. You're leaving the world behind you by ending the life you have. What you're now leaving is a family who will now be filled with guilt, wishing they could have done something better.

Even if you think no one cares, there are just so many people who do care...so many people you're going to hurt. Taking your life away because you think it's "the easiest way out" is just the most selfish thing you can do to your loved ones.

So just stick through it, and find another way.

I really need to start going to church...

Complaint

2011-10-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

My math teacher tells us over and over again: "You need to practice!" She want's us to spend at least 15 hours a week doing our math homework alone. That's approximately 3 hours a day during the weekdays. Three hours may not sound like a lot, but three hours alone for just math? It's as if she doesn't realize most of us students have other homework from other classes to worry about that may just be much more difficult and more time consuming. On top of that, some students are trying to juggle being a full time student with work.

One student told her how come she assigns so much homework for each assignment. But really, it is. Approximately 35-50 problems per assignment. All of which are very time consuming, and i emphasize the very. I mean, i try to put time into learning the material as i do it. If i get it wrong, that's more time put into the homework to just do it again. So imagine spending a longass time doing one single problem, getting it wrong and having to do it again. What if you get it wrong multiple times? Okay for my homework, if you get the problem wrong you have to do it again except with another problem that is similar to the last.

Either way, its time consuming.

/endcomplaint

idk

2011-10-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

At some point in your life as you're beginning to grow up, you realize to stop worrying too much about other people. Such as, stop caring too much about what others would think of you. People are too worried about what others are thinking about them, when really no one really cares about anything you're doing. They're too worried about what you think about them. That's ironic because you're just as worried about what they're thinking about you. In the end no one is thinking about anyone because they're too preoccupied worried about others.

Did any of that even make any sense?

However, i guess it's just human nature to wonder what others think about you. Even if you claim to "not give a fuck" about anyone elses opinion, in the back of your mind deep deep down, you do care. Even if it's just a little bit.

And maybe someone out there will judge you based on your physical appearance. But whatever, right? As long as you remember that you're hot shit, it's alright.

Boom

2011-10-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

They say that once you're happy, you don't have much to say anymore. Does anyone else agree? Maybe sometimes we just have bursts of inspiration to write. As i do now (i think). I don't know, words are just coming to me as i type. Prior to opening up this "new post" page, i didn't even know what i wanted to say. Then all of a sudden something came to me.

The last time i checked, i'm in a pleasant mood as of right now. Then again, it is 12:27am. They also say that some of you're most brilliant ideas come out late at night. Wait, do they say that? Maybe i just made that one up. I don't know, sometimes people get great epiphanies late at night while their body is begging for rest, but something in you is pushing you to keep on going.

Right now my body wants to shut down, my mind wants me to create. Although, i'm not creating much. But i want to just speak, write. Something. It's as if i'm running on "energy saver". That's what my Mac starts running on when it runs low on battery and i don't want to get up to get the charger so i just let it slowly die out. I don't think that's exactly what it's called but right now i can't think about what it's really called. And i'm not sure how to check because i currently have 35% battery life.

It's not 12:32am, and i feel like it's really late right now. Funny thing, because if this was about a year ago, i probably would think that right now is the perfect time to just go to bed. I've been going to sleep at 11pm or so this past week, thanks to my lovely boyfriend who has to go to sleep early in order to wake up at an impossible time (7am?) And i'm only up right now because (1) he's out drinking, and (2) it's the weekend for me, and i don't need to wake up early tomorrow. (Insert smiley here.)

Back to my "you don't have much to say when you're happy" thought. Perhaps that may be true. I definitely have more or a drive to write when i'm not so chipper. Mostly because i don't have anyone to talk to about my feeling, so writing my feelings and thoughts out about a certain situation makes me feel better. Writing is like therapy. Why pay a psychiatrist when you can just write! Oh, because they say things like: "And how does that make you feel?", giving you a sense that someone is really listening. Whereas, with writing you don't know who is reading...or if anyone is even reading at all. Hello? Anyone? Yah, i don't know.

And here i am sitting here (more like laying here in bed...) typing in my blog, as if it were a person. I want to pretend that someone is reading at least. Just so i don't feel useless. Then again, i'm writing for myself.

Now it's 12:41am, and i don't think my mind is on the correct track anymore. I have completely lost my train of thought. No more words are coming to me.

So onto irrelevant topics:

- I haven't gone to the club since i turned 18. I remember before i was 18, i really wanted to go to the club with my friends who were 18+. However, i looked like a little girl and there was no way i would be able to get in. Even with a caked face. Then again, i thought about it and i'm not even really that into "dancing". I just want to have a reason to get dolled up. I'm going to make my boyfriend go with me sometime soon. And i'm going to try to get Lisa to convince her boyfriend to go with her too. She hasn't gone since she turned 18 either.

- I want to dress up for Halloween! It's my first time having a boyfriend during Halloween. Yah, i know, big deal huh. No really, i've always wanted to dress up with a guy, but never had the chance to. Except my boyfriend thinks we're too old to do such things...i guess i'll just go get all dolled up anyways, and be me. :)

- I'm doing good in school. Yay.

♥

Goodnight, sleep tight. Sweet dreams. Hope you all have a wonderful sleep.

Taken for Granted

2011-10-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

This made me cry..

"There are no perfect fathers, but a father will always love perfectly"

I wish i was capable to show my dad i appreciated him more. For me, it's easier said than done. I've just never made that type of connection with him, i could almost say he's a stranger. I know the basics about him, but that's just the outer layer of him. However, i know that he's an amazing man. I'm not taking him for granted at all...maybe sometimes it may seem like it. I wonder what he thinks in his mind; that his children don't interact with him. Now that we're grown we don't talk to him as much.

I remember when i was younger, i loved spending time with him. He would always take care of me, make me food, take me to school, help me with my homework, teach my new things, do arts with me...each night i'd go into my parents room and climb onto their bed and sit in his lap. He would hold my palms and say prayers with me. I was somewhat like daddy's little girl.

I remember once my mom jokingly told me that no one will like me if i'm dirty. I was dirty at that time and i didn't understand what she was saying. I thought she meant that she doesn't love me. I went to my room and cried. My dad came out to look for me because that night i didn't go into their room. He saw me crying and carried me into bed with them and asked me what was wrong. I said that mom doesn't love me, and he chuckled. Telling me she was kidding and didn't mean it, and explained to me what she said.

For one of my birthdays, he bought me the shoes i wanted from payless shoes. The cool shoes that light up when you walk.

I remember holding his hand, but my hand was so small compared to his that i ended up holding his finder instead.

He liked to eat fast food. I remember he took me to burger king and i would always share a whopper with him because the whoppers were too big for me to finish on my own. I remember the day i finished my first whopper by myself and he congratulated me and told me i'm such a good big girl.

I was the baby of the family. Then i started growing older, started to not need his help with homework because i figured it out on my own. No longer cared for doing artsy stuff with him. He already taught me the essential things that i couldn't teach myself. I said prayers on my own...things just stopped happening at some point of my life and i don't remember why that is. And i was never able to reconnect with him again like the way i was able to with my mom.

He's growing older now, he isn't getting any younger. And i'm sad to say that i don't have as much time as i could possibly hope for. It's honestly that hard for me. Time and life is going to go by so fast that i wont even realize...

And even though we don't really communicate, i know that he loves and cares for me a lot. I know he wants the best for me and i know that he will do anything for me.

Sweetest thing

2011-10-09T00:23:00.000-07:00

This song is just everything tonight.

Hope everyone is having a nice evening.

The sweetest thing i've ever known,

Was like the kiss on the collarbone.

Soft caress of happiness...

The way you walk, your style of dress

I wish i didn't get so weak

Ooh, baby, just to hear you speak

Makes me argue just to see how much you're in love with me

♥

Hey baby, i love you.

You're more beautiful than anything in this world;

2011-10-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Lately, all i've written about was either school or anything that has to do with my boyfriend. I was sitting here wondering what i could write about so i don't sound so redundant in my posts. Because really, i noticed that those are the two things i write about most. If anything, once in a while i'll write about my day. But that's just for those days when i feel like blogging for the hell of it.

Before my boyfriend came around, i think what i wrote about most was probably about my heartbreaks, past relationships, being hurt, being lonely and once a while when i get pleasant days. They say you need to happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Where am i even trying to go with this. It was momentarily after i found happiness in myself and my life that i started talking to my boyfriend. I may have already found happiness in myself by that time, but let me just say that ever since he's came into my life i've been in the most pleasant state of mind i have ever been in a while prior to being with him. Meeting someone great can really change a certain aspect of your life and change your mindset on things in such a positive way. So...in some cases, you don't necessarily (i spelled that correctly on the first try, fuck yes) need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else, it's just recommended. It's recommended to teach one that they need to not depend on others to be happy. That they can be happy on their own. So that if the person they depended on for happiness left, their whole world wont fall apart completely. It'll fall apart for a short moment and then soon they can pick themselves up again. Do you know what i mean? So, it's recommended to not depend on others to be happy.

Happiness comes from within. Sure. I don't know. Happiness...my dad told me that to be happy with life, don't expect too much out of it. Or i think what he meant was be happy with what you got, and don't ask for too much. Don't be envious of others. Make the best of what you have. It's one of those things that really make you think in a way. You know? Like...sometimes you'd sit around wishing that you had that car, more money for nice clothes, that bag, those shoes, wishing that you didn't have to live this way, nicer hair, etc. You become envious of others that have what you wish you had, you get jealous and wish for maybe a more luxurious life. I mean, i guess it's just human nature to want more that what you have. No matter what class your classified in (homeless, poor, middle classed, high class). You're always going to want for more. Even the people with everything will wish they had something more, such as more genuine people in their lives who aren't just after their money and luxurious lifestyle. This jealousy makes you temporarily unhappy, and you fail to be happy with what you already have. My dad was just talking to me about this, made me think a little about all that i have.

Money isn't an issue for me, although, i wish i had more of it. I completely just contradicted myself. I don't care too much for money. It's just that you need to to survive, to do things. To eat and supply for yourself. Meh. I really don't know where i was even going with this post.

If i had the world, i'd give you the world.

♥

more precious than the rarest diamond or pearl

Love, Infatuation, Lust

2011-10-01T00:18:00.000-07:00

Infatuate: (v.) to be inspired with intense but short-lived passion or admiration for -- At some point, when i first met him, i'd say that i was very much "infatuated" by him. I was curious to know what he was really like as a person. You know how sometimes when you first meet someone, they don't let their guard down so much to show you what they're really like? I wanted to know what he was all about, what he liked and what he didn't like. He mesmerized me.

I'd get butterflies, be at lost with words. I'd have to think carefully of what i would want to say because i didn't want to seem strange to him. Don't lie; you've all done that. Funny, cause now that i think about it, it seems like when you first meet someone and you're trying to get to know them you unintentionally put up a front, kind of. You know what i mean? Need to think of what to say. Contemplate over whether or not you should text them right away or wait about ten minutes even though you were practically waiting for them to text back (that is, if you weren't doing anything.) Hoping that they would text first so you don't have to because you don't want to seem too interested. Hoping that they would text first so you would have some hope that maybe they're interested too and was thinking of you. Wondering if they feel tingly inside too, wondering if you make them melt like they make you melt. Trying to keep your cool, so you don't seem like a complete dork but not too kept where it seems like you have a stick up your ass. Everything is pretty much carefully done. What's going on in your mind when they're around or anything that has to do with them seems a little clustered. Doing all this, unintentionally putting up a front. You're not at ease just yet. Not yet at the comfort level to really, really be yourself.

Today i stumbled upon the question, is it really love, or just infatuation...perhaps lust? I mean, that wasn't even something i really had to think about. I knew the answer to that one. What i feel, definitely is not just infatuation and nowhere near lust. Yes, i'm infatuated to an extent. I'm infatuated but it's not "short-lived" as the dictionary definition defined it as, "short-lived passion or admiration". I passionately admire everything about him, everything that he is.

And excuse me, before you judge. Whoever you are. I've gotten this a couple of times, strange looks of, "really?" When i state that yes, i love my boyfriend. Let me just make that very clear that i honestly and truly do. It's just something i feel...you can't define love, you can't measure love. It's just something that's felt, and when you feel it you know. Don't you think so? By the dictionary definition, "Love" is defined as, "an intense feeling of deep affection". That is very much true, but then there's more to that. I don't know. It irks me when someone tells me that it's silly. Well, you're silly if you think that. Just my opinion, i guess.

Well, to answer the question i stumbled upon: Yes, it's love. A little bit of infatuation, and a whole lot of lust. Because well, i'm not going to lie when i say that i have a "very strong sexual desire" for my boyfriend.

♥

Timing

2011-09-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever liked someone, but the timing was off? They seemed to have such nice qualities of themselves, but something just wasn't right. Maybe something just didn't click. Then maybe, because of the bad timing, you just ended up picking out little flaws of them to make an excuse of why they aren't right for you. No attraction, really that's what it might've been. All in all though, the timing may just have not been right.

They came to you at the wrong time in your life. Perhaps you're trying to find yourself. Maybe you're trying to be happy with yourself, or love yourself before you could feel ready enough to be happy with and love someone else. Too many things going on in your life, maybe their life is going no where. Age differences.

The question was, "Why did you decide to give me a chance?"

Well, simply put, you came into my life at just the right time. I'm glad that i met you when i did, and gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because probably, if i met you a month or so earlier, it wouldn't be the same. Do you know what i mean? Interesting how that works.

♥

I just like this song. :)

hrm.

2011-09-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

I realized that i don't have that many people in my life where i can just call whenever and they'll be completely down to hang out with me, to keep me company. I don't have many girlfriends, i actually...honestly feel like i don't have any at all. Just Lisa i guess. Christina may just be out of the picture because her and i are on completely different paths with life, same goes for Tram.

Yet, Lisa is always with her boyfriend. Same goes for me though. If my boyfriend is available, i'm always with him. But then when he isn't and i'm not with him, i generally don't really want to ask Lisa if she wants to hang out. I don't know, i'm strange in that way. Don't want to third wheel, and i don't want to ruin their plans.

My main problem is that i'm shy and it makes me a little uncomfortable in a way to hang out with people that i'm not so used to hanging out with.

I don't know. I wish i had more girl friends though. Girls i can talk to about anything, girls who got my back. Girls where when one is busy, the other one is available.

I miss having girlfriends. Can't believe i lost them all. Sucks.

Sometimes i feel lonely. Sometimes i feel pathetic. I don't do anything, i don't go anywhere, i don't see anyone. I'm in my house...doing nothing. And i've become so used to it that i don't even think about wanting to go out anymore.

If i didn't have my boyfriend, my days would consists of nothingness. No one to text, no one to talk to. No one to see or hang out with on weekends.

I realized that i don't make an effort to really do anything for myself because i guess in a way i put my boyfriend first. Such as, if he is available to be with me i want to be completely available for him. I wasn't really like this with my previous boyfriend, where i'd make a bigger effort to be with my girls. Then again, thats when i had girlfriends.

I don't put myself out there or something.

Sigh....

This post is not heart worthy.

Tender Love

2011-09-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hi. I love my boyfriend.

♥

Stressin

2011-09-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

Starting to feel super studious nowadays. I spend at least 2-5 hours doing homework a day, depending on what i have to do. Maybe even more if i add studying and shit to it all also. The other day i even went to the library with Justin to do homework there, and the following day after i stayed after school and sat at the study hall with my friend to do more homework. Knowing me, that just seems so crazy. Because i was never known to be the person that'd actually sit down and get my shit done. My goal is not to procrastinate with anything because i don't want anything to pile up and stress myself out hella much more. Like right now, the amount of work i have to do hasn't really been stressing me out too much, however, the school work seems to be piling up a little.

I think because now i have finally faced the dreadful essay that my teacher assigned to me that's due in a couple of days. My first essay of my college life, and i have to right about nature. Nature...as if essays itself weren't such a pain in the ass to write in the first place, i have to now write an essay about my encounter with nature. I was pretty minded blown by that because how much can you possibly write about your encounters with nature? It's suppose to be a descriptive essay on one event where you had a certain encounter with nature. Pretty bizzare, but i guess thats the point of writing about nature. To challenge your writing ability, because if you can make reading a paper about nature interesting to read then you did pretty good at being descriptive in the essay. Am i right?

Then i have my first legit test that i need to study for for psych. And once again, knowing me i never really ever sat down and cracked open a book to actually read the material and have is dissolve in my mind. I tried to read a chapter in the book, but shit it's too much. My mind melted from all the words i was putting into it. I gave up and continued on doing math homework.

I definitely rather struggle with math homework than sit and study for psych and write an essay for english.

My boyfriend starts school next Monday, and he sees me with all my homework he's stressin himself out being all worried about how he may not even have the time to do all of this. He's going to continue working too, and i told him to just pace himself so he doesn't get overwhelmed. I'm afraid that we may not be able to find time for each other, other than the time that we'll end up spending doing homework together...if that even happens ._.

I'm really considering actually looking for a job now though. Probably not retail because they expect a lot, especially over the weekends and i need my weekends to buckle down and get what i need done done. Some down time...the only reason why i don't want one is because i know i'm going to be pretty overwhelmed with a job and school. Mostly i want to make sure i have time for my boyfriend. Is that kind of a bad thing? I mean i can handle school and him, but if i'm working, going to school, and he's working and going to school we probably definitely wont ever be able to find down time for just the two of us away from school and work.

I've been pretty sad lately because i don't have money for anything anymore, i'm up to my last couple of dollars from the last paycheck at ALDO. I feel bad that i can't pay for food or anything, and my boyfriend pays for almost everything. Then winter is coming up, and i really wanted to go out and buy all the jackets and coats and warm stuff i could possible get so i can enjoy my winter for once. I honestly only have like 2 jackets that would keep me warm. Fuck. And then Christmas is coming up too, and so is my boyfriend's birthday. :(

Lately, my posts have been focused on school related topics. I guess that must just mean that i got school on my mind a lot nowadays. Wish me luck with the rest of the year.

Here's a song that's irrelevant to this post, but lightweight relevant to portions of my life.

Complicated | Robin Thicke

Goodbye!

♥

The Plan

2011-09-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

So i talked to a counselor the other day at Ohlone. I wanted to ask her about what type of route i should take to pursue my nursing career, asked her about where a good place to transfer to is, and also asked her about the classes i should be taking.

She pretty much mapped out my next two years for me with a list of what classes i should be taking in order to transfer to say...SJSU? I have the list with me, it will definitely be very useful for me. Need to stay on top of things!

Apparently, i don't even need to transfer out of community college. I can just join the nursing programs at any type of CC and go from there. By doing this, everything is supposedly set up for me to acquire my degree faster. I'm not exactly sure how that works though. I've always thought that people go to a CC and then transfer after however many years to a state or UC. So, i'm a little struck by this idea of just staying in community college. For some reason it doesn't sound right, but then there are so many upsides to it. Saves money, and easier in some sense.

I'm a bit stuck on what my plan is now. For what to do. I really need to think this over because depending on which route i want to take (stay at a CC or transfer), i need to do things differently because there are different requirements for them.

If i was going to stay at a CC i'm probably going to hop on over to De Anza or Foothill. Many CCs have a good nursing program, Ohlone being one of them also. And if i wanted to transfer, i don't think i'm going to be going to Socal. I wanted to before, but i'm not so sure now. I just want to get this schooling over with. I don't need to move so far ._. So my two choices of where to go now are either SJSU or SF state. They just sound like reasonable choices. I have my mind on SF state for right now though...but i'll see.

It would take approximately 2.5 years for me to transfer, assuming that i pass all my classes and get all my credits fulfilled.

Good luck to me! :)

Need to think of more questions to ask the counselor so i can go back and clear some stuff up for myself. Some things are a little bit confusing for me to understand especially since i'm hearing other nursing majors talk about different things.

♥

Girls

2011-09-11T02:19:00.001-07:00

Girls need to get it together. What's up with them these days? Why are they just all over the place, i don't understand. What ever even happened to self value? Wait, did that make sense...

It makes me kind of sad, seeing that there are so many girls out there willing to expose themselves and degrade themselves in such a way just to get guys or whoever to drool over them. To get those compliments telling them that they're sexy as hell. I don't know, what ever happened to conservatism?

Where i'm getting these thoughts from:

Girls, randomass girls from who knows where. Girls that i never seen, i don't know of and never even heard of until the second i see them on my Tumblr dashboard. Either holding their boobs together, showing off their assets, licking their lips, dressed hella hoe-like, etc. You know what i'm talking about right? Why must they do this. I mean, yah they have a cuteass face and all and they're looking good too...but why do this to themselves? Degrade themselves like that?

Because what most guys think of when they see their photos of whatever, they're thinking to themselves "damn, she's smoking i'd smack that" The thought of guys drooling over them probably boosts up their self esteem probably. Sad because they're already pretty and they feel the need to feed off of that type of attention. It saddens me, it really does.

Girls are so special, we're like gifts. But then some just don't value their self worth. They feel worthless, so they feel the need to try and something of themselves that is actually worth something...fishing for compliments? We're beautiful creatures created by god to complete society. We provide, and care. We're amazing at what we do....

I wish that girls wouldn't do that kind of stuff to themselves. I wish they'd conserve themselves. Give the guys something to think about you know? Rather than just letting them see it all...something to think about...something to wonder about. Okay, that sounds kind of weird.

Respect yourself, respect your body. Respect what you're made of. You have to be able to respect yourself for others to respect you too.

Think about it...fucking put on some damn clothes, stop taking pictures hella scandalously. PLEASE. Stop degrading yourselves. Be classy damnit. Fuck.

And the crazy thing is, apparently it is now legal for young girls of the age of 15+ to take slutty pictures of themselves. Honestly, i didn't even know that it was illegal in the first place. I guess. I heard the on the Phillip De Franco Show on youtube.

Bye everyone. Or no one, who ever is reading.

Stay classy, not slutty.

♥

Blue Valentine

2011-09-10T01:07:00.000-07:00

Didn't do too much today. I had a little plan in my mind of what i should do while i waited for Babe to come over. I was going to give my dogs a bath but then i realized i wanted to go buy fur whitening shampoo for my dogs, but i wanted to go to the store with him just to give us something to do. Plus i had to go pick him up anyways because his car is down again, and the store would have been on the way home. Only to my very own failed attempt to actually buy the dog shampoo, i went to walmart and bought everything but the shampoo. -______- So washing the dogs may just have to wait till tomorrow.

Anyways, babe was pretty much taking days trying to figure out his situation with his car. That thing keeps breaking down i swear. Dumb bimmer. Just kidding...but really. Poor guy's been dumping hella money on the thing. WHAT ABOUT ME. Sheesh...okay i'm really kidding about that one. And he tells me i'm running him dry on money. Pffttttt.

I felt pretty lazy after i realized it'd take him a while to be done, i didn't really want to do anything productive anymore like i originally planned. So, i decided to just lay in bed and watch Blue Valentine. I was reading the reviews for that movie and people said that this movie portrays the truth about life, family, and love so well. I mean, not everyone's life is like this but it does definitely show the hardships and struggles that some people do actually have to go through to keep their love going. So basically it was mostly about the hardships of love.

The movie got me thinking. I don't really want to spoil too much of the movie, because if you're into these kinds of sappy love dramas it's definitely something you should consider watching. Especially because Ryan Gosling from the Notebook stars in it.

So, it has me thinking about the "everlasting love" that couples vow to give each other when they're standing up at the alter or wherever giving each other the promise of their life time for better or for worse and all that. Everlasting love...does it last? Does love last? I mean, i could be wrong. I'm only 18, i haven't been through too much. I haven't been married. This is just what i think, what i assume from observing the things i hear, read, and watch. Marriages failing, people falling out of love, love vanishing, fading, failing.

Does the flame stay lit forever? Or does it eventually dim out slowly...

The flame of a candle compared to the love between two people or for a particular person. The spark..."the spark" that ignites the flame of potential or possible love. Without "the spark", there's no way that there could really be true chemistry between two. I heard from somewhere, probably from another movie, that "the spark" is just some fairy tale fantasy that girls make up in their mind. They made it up so they can have something to find, to let them know if the choice they're making is going to work out for them...i heard that somewhere, something like that. But i mean, it's this feeling we get when we're with someone we like. It's like butterflies, good chills, great vibes, good company, etc. Stuff like that, i guess that's what "the spark" actually is.

The flame i guess would be equivalent to the "burning passionate love" between two people. Such a strong connection, such great chemistry, such joy and laughter shared amongst the two. This is when the love is strong and powerful, where you'd think that nothing can ever bring you down. Like an inferno. So hot, so strong, so powerful. I guess that's why they call it burning love.

Overtime it just becomes the same routine, i guess. You two have just been through the same thing so much already. All the "i love you, baby" that's said constantly may soon become less frequent, the mini surprises, the loving gestures, the things you love that they do may just fade. The flame is dimming down, the spark is losing it's spark. Maybe you got bored, maybe you got tired of the same old thing. One person stops trying, the other stops caring making the other one not care either which results to the other not really trying either. It's like a game to see who will break first...or will is going to actually try to spark a match and make the candle light up again.

What happened? That's the crazy part. The saddest thing is when such great love, fades away. Not because someone did something, but because their love simply just faded away. It dimmed down, it's not as strong, not as powerful anymore. What happened? Nothing...nothing at all, and that's the saddest thing.

I don't know. I'm not saying this happens to everyone. It happens though, to the best of us. It really does make me think though. Does it last? Does it really last, in some lucky cases they do. But in others, married couples just stick it through till the end just because it either feels right or it's family they're worried about.

In the movie, the guy was trying one last time to make it work and he said, "do you want frankie to grow up in a broken family?" and she responding saying that the family was already broken. Things like that are always tough. Some people try to stick it through for the kids, but the kids can always tell if something isn't right. In the end, the daughter runs after him telling him to stay. That broke me up.

The guy sang this song to her when he was trying to get to know her, sang it to her while playing the uke i think and she danced to it while he sang. I found it ironic because he's singing this song "You Always Hurt the One You Love", and he fell for her when he first laid eyes on her. His love for her actually was there the whole time, till the end. It was her that lost it. She fell for him too, she really did. Unfortunately, she just didn't want it anymore. He sang this to her when they were younger, when he was slowly falling for her and she hurt him. No explanation, no chance to revive it.

You should really watch this movie, it say a lot in some sense. Sorry, i kind of ruined the ending. Watch it anyways if you want and get the chance to.

I really liked this song in the movie. It was cute.

♥

p.s. My boyfriend said the sweetest thing to me today, and i absolutely love and adore him even more for that.

My day on 9/7/2011

2011-09-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

Just got done watching Unknown with my boyfriend. Damn, the movie was hella good. He and i have been going out and renting movies from Redbox lately cause i don't even have cable anymore, and my house gets boring sometimes. There's just so much you can do. It doesn't have a wide variety of choices though. I guess you can't expect too much since the movies are just a buck each for the day.

Done with the second week of school. Today was such a nice Thursday for me! Took my first test in my math class this morning at 915am, and as soon as i finished i just left. That was such a nice feeling. So i pretty much was just in class for about 20-30 minutes, when usually class would end at 1050am. I decided to just go home because i had about 5 hours or so till my next class which was at 215pm. Did my psych homework, and went out to have yummy Chipotle with my lovely boyfriend. I woke him up early to go eat with me. Hehe. He went off to work, and i went off to school. I turned in my first assignment for Psych which was a take home test. Wasn't too difficult because it was a take home test. I might have a made few errors, but it's okay...sort of. Anyways, sat in class for about and hour. We didn't even do much in class today, just went over the test that was on APA formatting. My teacher let us out an hour early. When he first said that we could go, i was just so mind blown i wasn't sure if he was serious or not. I mean, that's the first time i ever experienced that. My mouth literally dropped. That was a super nice feeling.

I went home and took care of some business with the bank, and then took a nice two hour nap. Haven't taken long naps in a while. I shouldn't have napped because that messes up my sleeping schedule. Like right now, how i'm wide awake at 2am.

Oh, i took my school I.D today. LOL. The picture was pretty horrible because the lighting was just bad...oh well, not tripping too much. Don't even know what i would use the I.D for...discounted movies maybe? But i got a free planner. So that was pretty neat. :p

Kay, i never really talk about my day like this. I basically just rambled on for hella days...

♥

Homework

2011-09-04T00:58:00.000-07:00

At first, i was still kind of in "summer mode". Really hasn't exactly hit me that i started college yet. It's starting to sink in just a little bit, because i'm really trying to put my mind into it. Last week was my first week of college. Got to experience that great feeling of getting my first Friday off. To make it even better, i get a four day weekend due to Labor day on Monday. Friday felt like a Saturday to me, and today felt like a Sunday. But each time i forgot it was Friday and realized that it was, and how i didn't have to go to school i felt so awesome inside. :)

I got a couple of homework assignments already. Of course though, even in highschool they assign you homework the first week. For a moment i didn't even think about homework, but then somehow it hit me that...i need to check to see if i have any homework. Good thing i did check because i have a bunch of stuff due on Tuesday when we get back from out four day weekend. So good thing i started it already. I don't want to overwhelm myself with anything.

So far my toughest class has been math. Mostly because i haven't done any "real" math in a really really long time that my mind isn't even used to any of these algebraic equations and what not anymore. Everything was basically like trying to pick up a lost language or something. Basically. Trying to get the hang of that again. Everything that my teacher talks about in class and lectures on is such a blur to me. I kind of get stuck on some of the things she says. I try and dissolve it into my brain, and try to understand it but its all gibberish. I take the notes, but i don't exactly know what i'm writing. I just write it to hope that when i go back and go over it, i'll somehow pick it up. Didn't really work out for me too well. However, when i started to do the homework and go over the material myself, i realized that the stuff isn't as hard as my teacher makes it seem. I swear, most of the people are lost half of the time as she's scribbling on the board...or is it just me?? Cause the guy next to me is generally just as confused as i am. o_o Anyways, the online program that i bought for $80 dollars does wonders. I kind of picked up on the stuff myself and i understand it a little bit better. Some things are a little tough and along the way as i do my homework i get a little bit lazy. I feel that when i get lazy as i'm trying to solve problems, the information on how to do them doesn't really stick to me like it should. You know what i mean?

The one class i'm definitely afraid of though is Psych. The teacher is really cool, i hella like him. He's a good teacher, i could tell. I don't really know what to expect from that class...but i do know that i need to really be focused and really be on point with everything. That would definitely be a little bit on the difficult side because i have a tendency to space off every once in a while.

Definitely not looking forward to any essays...for either English or Psych. That's when the whole "college" thing will really sink in. From all those past years of my college peers complaining to me about their 5 page + essays, it is finally my turn.

Well it's 1:10am. I'm taking a little break from Math homework because i'm just tired of calculating numbers and what not.

Ever since school started, i haven't had the time to browse through tumblr. Bahaha. Saying that shows that i have no life...

Goodbye.

♥

Love Story

2011-08-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being the sweetest guy ever to me. Let me just say that i'm so glad i gave you a chance. I don't know why people have said that i can do better and what not because you're honestly all i could ever ask for. In my eyes you're perfection, even with your little flaws. I love every little thing about you. Every little aspect of you, you're little imperfections makes up what you are, who you are. -- Does this make any sense?

Each day i spend with you, opens my eyes more. I'm sure i realized this before, but then lately i've been realizing that i truly have something worth cherishing. You're amazing in every way and i'm so glad that i can call you mine.

All the actions you make, the things you say...even if sometimes you can really just get on my nerves, in the back of my mind i'm just thinking about how adorable you are. So adorable. I guess it's because we're more comfortable with each other now, that it allows us to really...express ourselves differently. Because the way that i'm around you, well thats only for certain people to see. Do you understand me?

Thank you for holding out the bags when we finish buying stuff at Target or Walmart. Thank you for getting me orange juice when i ask you to get me orange juice. Thank you for making me clean my room. Thank you for helping me organize my room. Thank you for taking me to work that one day and picking me up afterwards even though work and your house was really far apart. Thank you for paying for dinner when we go out to eat. Thank you for doing stuff for me because i'm lazy. Thank you for waking up early Saturday morning just to come over and sleep with me. Thank you for caring about my health. Thank you for trying to talk to my mom and even being concerned about her not liking you. Thank you for coming over to spend time with me when we first started talking instead of going out to be with your friends. Thank you for trying to fix things when i'm upset with you, and not making things worse. Thank you so much for being so patient with me whenever i'm in one of my moods. Thank you for loving me, caring for me, and wanting me all to yourself.

I love you sweetie, with all my heart. Even though i've written something like this before somewhere either in a letter or in a different blog post, i just wanted to say it again. Because i can never stress it enough how much i appreciate you. You're so special to me, and i don't care what anyone else says because you are the best i've ever had.

Happy four months, even though it's just four months. Yay to the longest relationship i've ever been in & most stable too. This is definitely something to be very happy about in my mind. :)

♥♥♥

College

2011-08-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

First day of college was today. To be honest, it didn't really feel like i had school...like i just woke up, went to class but it didn't really feel like "the first day of school" to me. I guess because how everything works in "college" is so much more different from highschool. I didn't go to orientation a few weeks before school started where i would see many familiar faces, everyone knew each other (basically) and just an environment of comfort. I guess that's what highschool is suppose to feel like? Comfortable? I don't know. I didn't get a schedule where i compared with other students where i would see who i should be expecting to see in one of my 6 classes.

First day of school just went by kind of. Everything is just on my own, and i guess that's how college is suppose to be. You're responsible for your own stuff. Signing up for your own classes, at the time you chose yourself. Figuring out by yourself where your classes are, and most likely you wont be in the same class as a friend because they're probably just going in a different route as you. Going to school and not seeing anyone i really know. None of those, "OMG HOW ARE YOU?! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!" *Hug* type of thing. I just went to class...

I mean, i met up with one of my friends that i knew after my second class today. He helped me out a bunch! Got me a discount on my parking permit. Yee :) I was about to use the term "joog" because my boyfriend always say that. -___- Well thank you Vu Huynh for helping me out, hella appreciate it. :)

I'm trying to see how i manage my time in the morning. There's absolutely no way that i can beat morning traffic. I want to see how much faster (if possible) it would be to just go locally...because traffic this morning was hectic! I figure, maybe i rather go 40mph locally to get to school than go about 25-30mph or so in traffic...because its so scary all those cars ._.

That's it. It'll kick in soon that school has start. Like when i start having assignments. Which reminds me i need to go get books and what not. Boo.

Until Next Time...?

♥

Our Day

2011-08-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is Kathy Nguyen and i just wanted to let the world know that i had a wonderful and maybe one of the greatest days ever in my life with my beautiful boyfriend Steven Binag.

So my day was a huge blur. went home slept for 2 hours then went to kathys house around 9ish. slept until 5pm then went to go get some delish chipotle, after that kathy got mad at me for going to luckys. anyways then back to her place we go. So when we got back i smoked a delightful cigarette. as i was walking to her room from the backyard, her gayass dog chowder started barking at me cause she is scared of strangers. i dont understand this shes seen me a lot. So when i got into kathys dining room aka her room, i laid down on the bed and she laid next to me happily ever after. and then her mother came home, yeah the one that dislikes me very much. and now were laying here on her wonderful macbook, she made me type this. okay ima leave now and go back to laying down on her wonderful dkny bedsheets. alright bye bloggggggers!!!!!!

-Steven Binag

____________________________

This is my last weekend of summer, and i didn't even do shit. Sad face. I guess it's really just whatever. I'll regret not doing anything worth while this summer, but in the end i sort of don't really mind...cause my summer was overall pretty relaxing.

My boyfriend went out last night, and pretty much just stayed out all night. I was going to go with him, but for some reason i just didn't feel like it. Even though last weekend i was telling him that i wanted to do something fun for the last weekend of my summer. Well i ended up staying home doing nothing. I attempted to watch Atonement online, but it completely failed on me. On top of that, advertisements kept popping up and bothering the shit out of me. Completely ruined the mood of the movie. About halfway through the movie, it stopped and i tried to play it again and the movie started all over again. I couldn't get back to where i left off. I really want to finish watching that movie though! I might try finding a place i can possibly rent it. I was thinking redbox, but then they don't always have a wide selection. And my family doesn't have netflix, nor do we want to pay for that. Boohoo.

Anyways, my boyfriend stayed out all night and didn't go to bed till 7 this morning. That's what he told me. He wanted to come to my house at 9am, and in my head i was just thinking how he is definitely not even going to wake up to come over at nine in the morning. To my surprise, he actually got himself out of bed and came over at nine in the morning. Why did he come over at 9am? Cause he wanted to sleep with me. Hahaha. He came over, and slept in my bed. I woke up around 11, got ready and everything and then realized that he's completely knocked out...he woke up for about half and hour after i woke up and then knocked out again. He was suuuuper gone. I was hella bored, didn't have anything to do. All i wanted was some human interaction or something. I got tired of waiting for him to wake up so i decided to just go to sleep too. We both ended up waking up at 5pm & left my house to get some Chipotle. He woke up asking me if i'm hungry and wanted to go to Chipotle. Shit, he pretty much read my mind. While he was sleeping i was thinking about how that would be so delicious...his treat. Hehe. :)

I got upset at him for a minute after we left Chipotle because he wanted to go to Luckys to buy a pack. -____- He's suppose to be quitting! But i guess it's super duper hard for him to do so...but still, it bothers me sometimes. Usually i don't really care, like i never really cared that he smoked in the first place. I only care now because he told me he was really actually trying to quit. Hasn't happened yet. Still waiting for that day to come.

We got back to my house...and since we're both pretty much broke, there wasn't anywhere we could go or anything we could really do so we just chilled at my house. Didn't really do much. Eventually my mom came home. My mom lets me bring him into my room now. I don't know how that happened, but it's nice. He's been hella tired all day and now he's napping again right next to me because i wont let him go home until i finish writing this blog. Poor thing has work at 7 in the morning tomorrow. :(

Last day of summer tomorrow, i'm definitely just about to stay home and enjoy my last moments of pure relaxation.

♥

Sanctuary

2011-08-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

Hm...my blog is pretty much my favorite place to come to. I don't know who reads or if anyone even does read, but i feel safe here. As lame as that sounds. I mean since nowadays everyone is over at tumblr.com, no one even remembers about blogspot. It's pretty much ancient to anybody.

Writing out things that are on my mind brings my mind to peace. This blog, is like my sanctuary...

I sound really lame. Speaking of sanctuaries and peace, take a look at this site that i found on tumblr. :3

The Quiet Place

♥

"X" Years From Now.

2011-08-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

10 years from now...

- I hope to be married or at least in a super stable relationship that would be leading somewhere in that direction. If i was to be in a relationship at that age, that wasn't leading in that direction...i don't know what i would be doing with that guy. Wasting my time.

- I definitely hope that i'm done with school, and found a job worth waking up for. The futures hard! I don't know how i'll manage to find a hospital or whatever that would take me in as one of their nurses. I'd have to be pretty kickass, i would think. Right? Labor and Delivery. Just hopefully that'll go well for me. That's my career in choice right now, supposedly i'm suppose to change my major a couple of times before i finally settle. So we'll see what happens? The nursing community is competitive. Need to work my ass off to get noticed out there, and make brilliant connections. My goal currently is that after x amount of years, until i make enough credits to transfer...i want to transfer to a school and then join a "business frat". Heard those are helpful. Don't know where i plan to transfer to yet. I plan to speak to a counselor about this when i start school.

...the school thing should be before the marriage, huh?

Something about these "x years from now" goal things, you shouldn't be so doubtful of yourself. Like don't say that "you hope" for this to happen or whatever. Should be straight on it and completely positive, because that's where you'll be x amount of years from now. Making up a set goal for yourself saying that you hope for this to happen, you just wont feel as motivated as you should. You wont feel as though it could really happen since you didn't make it seem like that way to yourself when you first jotted it down. Jump into starting your life knowing that things will definitely work out the way you want it, work for it as hard as you possibly can to make it happen. Maybe it really will happen. And if you fail? Well, if you failed...at least you tried. (In my opinion...)

Totally being a hypocrite right now because i just wrote my hopes and dreams up there saying that i hope it'll happen. I mean, i definitely do hope and would really like if that's what will be of me in 10 years. It's hard for me to really just say that that's where i will be in ten years. Take my advice if you'd like, even if i don't.

Ten years from now i will be in a stable relationship that has to be heading in the direction of marriage, otherwise i'll be wasting my time.

Ten years from now, i will be done with school and working in a hospital as a labor and delivery nurse. I will be doing great at my job, and i will love it. Because everyday is a different day, and each day will be a day worth waking up to when i go to my job knowing that i'm helping someone and doing my best to put a smile on patients friends, letting them know that i am here to help them.

Ten years from now, i have found the people in my life that mattered to me and that i think a worth keeping around. I would have built great relationships with people and the few real friends i have now, they'll still be around.

Ten years from now, i will have gotten over the weird..."discomfort" of going to the gym by myself, and find my own self motivation to go with or without a gym partner. I will have a fantastic body that i will enjoy looking at without a shirt on. :)

I start school Monday. Shit. College...

Boyfriends Vs. Friends.

2011-08-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

I've gone through the whole "chicks before dicks" fight. The one where i lost my best friend because well...she didn't follow the code. Hey, i wasn't trippin. Our friendship came in a pack of three. Her, her, and me. While she was off with her man all the damn time, my other girlfriend and i would just hang out with each other. Hey, we weren't trying to push her out okay? She was just too occupied with her guy. Wherever she went, he would be there. If we were to want to hang out with her, he would be there. Again, not trippin. I liked him. Really did. Long story short, eventually she felt left out of our three way friendship. She felt like we did things all the time without her, and she felt neglected. To be honest, it was all a misunderstanding. We didn't realize how we were making her feel, but at the same time she didn't realize that she'd always be with her boyfriend anyways. What were we suppose to do? Long story short, our pack of three quickly became two girls who were still best friends. The other went off and did her own thing, probably better off now huh?

So i've been there, done that. Forget it hun, i don't really want to go through that again. But if it's happening it's happening.

We're growing up, okay i get that. This is the new chapter of our lives. We just graduated college, and we're pretty much headed in different directions of life at this point.

I'm sorry to say, i'm starting to give up a little here. It's been like this ever since Junior year to be honest. Have you been keeping up with my blog since then? Maybe you'll know what i'm talking about. Ever since i can recall, deep down inside me i've personally felt a little neglected. I keep reminding myself, that's just the way she is. But then...i'd sit back and look, hey how come she's always hitting up other people, tryna kick it with other people, talking to other people, socializing with other people, wondering what's good on a Friday night with other people. Where am i in the equation? Not there. Just. Not. There. The only way i even end up hanging around her or whoever is if i go and figure things out myself with her. Where i gotta go message her and blahblahblah. Hey, we've been through this talk with her too alright? Her response to this was, well i can hit her up too why don't i ever hit her up. I ALWAYS HIT HER UP. Sometimes i'd just like to feel noticed, like to feel wanted around, you know? Especially with my bestfriend. Sometimes i'd try to wait it out and see if she'll ever hit me up, and she doesn't. The couple of times she hit me up that i remember was coincidentally when she didn't have a car. Go figure.

We're growing up. No matter how many times i go through this topic with her, telling her that i never feel like she legitimately cares about my existence/emotions...i don't think she'll ever process that into her mind to maybe show me a little, just a little, that she does in fact care. No matter how many times i tell myself that that is just how she is and i need to accept it, in the long run i will never really be able to just accept it. Because i will always feel like i deserve a better friend. Expect that's just how she is...As much as i can say all this, she is a good person. She is a true friend in the end. I guess in her mind, she really doesn't feel the need to be around or whatever. Sure, sure.

I find it crazy though, whenever her boyfriend is around she never has the time for me. She never cares to think to make time for me. That's boyfriends vs. friends. Who do you chose, who is more important? Who will be there for you when things go bad. Okay, sure. I get it. Not my fault that i feel neglected and i haven't hung out with her in a longass time.

Funny how we used to go from seeing each other every second of the day, every single day to barely seeing each other and not even talking to each other. When i try to make plans with her, she has to wait and see. There's no definite answer, so no guarantee.

Sorry that i miss my bestfriend. My other bestfriend is off to college, and the other one is too far away and always too busy. And all my other close friends, i can't even talk to anymore. I feel like i have no one left really.

My boyfriend wonders why i haven't been hanging out with people. He noticed that i haven't been going out anywhere. Who the hell am i going to hit up. I don't have girlfriends, and my guy friends i can't even talk to or they don't want to talk to me because of complicated shit. Others are off to school.

She takes me for granted, she really does. I help her with so much, and there's no appreciation. What the hell is even a best friend anyways now a days. I miss being close to my other girls. I miss them. No one even...notices.

I sort of want to delete my Facebook. The whole point of that is so people can stay in contact with each other right? Well if anyone wanted to keep in touch with me, they'd find a way to do so. Don't need no internet crap keeping that bond together. That's weak. What is it even for, now that i think of it. Show off your life? I don't know.

I never really got my point across...or did i? Basically, we're losing each other a little bit because i'm giving up on our friendship. Sorry, but i am. I don't want to be around anyone that doesn't really care to give a shit about me. We're both going different ways, and we both have boyfriends to occupy our time or whatever the fuck it is. Our boyfriends have become our replacements. Don't even tell me i'm wrong. The only thing that kept us together during highschool was our 6 classes together. With out that, the glue that kept us together is basically gone. You understand what i mean? I'll always be there for her, and i know she'll always be there for me though. I'm just disappointed a little.

Monterey Bay Aquarium

2011-08-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

Babe took me to Monterey Bay Aquarium for my birthday. I've been hella trying to go there, cause i've never been there before and it just looked hella neat. I'm glad he took me, i never had anyone take me anywhere like that before.

My camera quality seriously sucks. That's why i've kind of been wanting a new camera, cause i really want to just take more pictures of my life. I don't need a big fancyass camera or anything though, just one that would have better camera quality. Funny thing cause my camera that i used was bout 400 dollars 2 years ago, and was apparently...a nice camera. Maybe i just don't know how to use it correctly. Who knows. These were the most clear pictures that i actually captured while i was there. Babe looked at some other guy's picture while he was taking a picture and hella bashed on my camera for being hella weak. :( Not my fault! Bummer though that we weren't able to take many pictures of the pretty fishes and of each other...meh.

He hella loves penguins, i think it's hella cute. He got so excited when he saw them through the glass window. He was like a little boy for a minute there. :p

It was a nice experience going there. I've never been to the aquarium before, really wish i could have taken more pictures with better quality. I have a couple more, but they're all either dark or hella ugly. What a shame! He was going to take me there by surprise but Lisa ruined the surprise and told me accidentally when we were out to lunch together. She didn't know that it was suppose to be a surprise.

I hella wanted to go find the Dippin' Dots place around there, but when we got out of the aquarium i honestly didn't really want to walk around anymore. Didn't even know which direction to even start walking to find the place anyways. Disappointing though because i love that stuff! Babe and i hella just wanted to get back to our area to eat some Boiling Crab cause we were hella hungry. The drive there and back was hella long, and not the business.

♥

The #97 Rule of a Gentleman

2011-08-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

The #97 Rule of a Gentleman: Never stop trying to show her how much she means to you, even after you've got her.

Obviously, it may not apply to every guy. Some people, girls and guys both, when they're in a relationship eventually someone stops trying. They just get "too comfortable" and they feel like they just don't have to put in as much effort as they used to. Correct me if i'm wrong. They either stop reminding each other how grateful they are to each other or showing each other how much they mean to one another.

I guess because at some point...after they've been together for a certain amount of time, someone feels like they don't need to verbally tell the other person that they love them, or that they're amazing. Maybe at some point they feel like there isn't really a need to go out so often as a couple. Quality time spent together isn't as special as it once was before. Just too comfortable.

Not only is a it a "rule of a gentleman" but it applies to the ladies too. Just never stop trying with them. Just because you have the person you wanted in the palm of your hands, doesn't mean that the chase is over. You'll always have to continue chasing, otherwise sooner or later one of you will slip away from each others grasps. It wont be the same as it once was before, and that's a shame to see such great love lose it's way. Should always continue chasing, let them know that they're really something special to you where you would give them your all and more, 110%.

What do you know about this...?

2011-08-14T01:33:00.000-07:00

I guess i sort of like the idea that someone would put aside everything to be with me for as long as possible. Being with me is hard for many reasons. One of the reasons is that i don't have many privileges for a girl that is practically an adult. I have a curfew, and my mom would constantly nag me to come home and would often make me feel guilty if i go out too much. I don't want to be coming home "late" almost every night because i know she stays up to wait. Late being 12am or even 1am. The thing about this is that i wouldn't get to go out on weekends and just stay out with my guy just to kicckit with him and do whatever he's doing. Then i'm just stuck at home. I barely even go to parties because i don't like going to parties and not at least drinking, and then having to ask someone to take me home. It's just such a hassle you know? So then i just rather not go even though i'd like to be there. I really would.

I like the idea of being a priority rather than and option. You know what i mean? With every different relationship, everything is done differently. There's like a "routine" of some sort of how things between two people work. Such as...these certain days when you two may plan to see each other, it may just be like pretty much every other day you guys see each other. Unless you guys actually plan something different out. Then you hop into a different relationship and things are done differently and you got to get accustomed to that. Do you understand what i'm trying to say...

What i'm really trying to say is, ease up a little be. Let things be, let things just happen. Don't expect for too much because then you'll just end up disappointed. Even though you're with someone, sometimes you still just got to take care of yourself and you still need to just do you. Keeping in mind that your significant other is important to you, don't forget that. However, don't forget your own worth. You're not about to just sit around at home doing nothing cause you're not with them are you? You're not going to be a boring broad, are you? Go have your own life. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you need to slow your life down to be more accustomed to theirs. They got their own life too that they need to maintain, they're not about to slow it down or fix it up to deal with you satisfaction.

Also, don't forget one thing. You guys don't need to spend 24/7 with each other. Give each other breathing space. All the space that's possibly needed. Because when you guys do meet again, it'll be special.

Distance is not a problem, doubt is.
Don't doubt. Doubting while in a relationship is probably your worst enemy.

$$

2011-08-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

Spent the day with my boyfriend. I was hella tired though when he came by because i seriously didn't even sleep last night! I blame the energy drink i drank earlier that night...damn, worst decision i made all summer. I was just laying in bed all night last night trying to fall asleep but it was impossible! I didn't end up falling asleep till 7am.

I woke up around 12 something and he came over. We went and posted it at Starbucks for a while because he wanted some coffee and to grab something small to eat i guess...i just had cereal at my house before i went to meet him up at Starbucks. Afterwards we ended up just going back to my place and i was so exhausted so i tried to rest up for a little bit.

There's really never anything to do...unless we're really trying to spend money. Now that i'm out of a job, i really need to be cautious of how i spend my money. No more income. I want to save up for Christmas season, and when it starts getting cold cause i'm definitely going to want to buy all the wonderful cute jackets and coats i can possibly afford...which is probably just two. I'm going to go buy a North Face jacket before i become broke. So maybe sometime next week i'll just go out and buy one at Valley Fair. Treat myself out to something nice for myself for my birthday. :p I'll consider that. Because i'm definitely going to just spend my money on food...that's what i've been doing lately. -______- Always blowing money away from food. Boyfriend is definitely broke now also, especially after just investing his money into a bike. Bleh...so all we can really do is just sit around and do nothing. The most we would do is go out and eat. There we go, spending money on food.

My mom said we're moving on Tuesday. I'm going to go and try to find another job after i'm done settling in and can make up a list of where i want to go job hunting at. By then i'll be 18 and i'll have more job opportunities. Sucks that it's just so hard to find a job now a days...and i seriously feel like ALDO doesn't even like me. Bunch of bull. Whatever. :l

Anyone want some services done from me? I'm down to clean your house for you...mow your lawn? Wash your car?

Kathy here at your service...just holla at me one time. :p

♥

Please

2011-08-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Please don't tell me that my boyfriend isn't worth my time. Please don't ask me why i'm with him. Please stop wondering what i see in him. It's rude.

No one understands, no one knows. No one gets it, but that's not my problem...in fact it shouldn't even matter to anyone who i decide to date and give my love to. By the way, looks aren't everything. It's not. Get that straight, and maybe i'm just not a shallow bitch. Maybe i look for so much more that looks. His personality and everything that he's made up of makes him the sexiest guy out there. In my eyes at least, i don't care what anyones opinion is on him. Say what you'd like, you obviously just don't see what i see in him. You obviously just don't know him.

I love him, and he's everything to me. He's better than you and anyone else there.

Have You Ever | Brandy

2011-08-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Just wanted you to know

2011-08-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

You know i love you, and i can't stress how sorry i am each time i bitch at you for no reason. I really just want to thank you though for being so patient with me, and even when i'm at my worse you're still willing to stand by me and let me know that you're not going anywhere.

There's a song for almost everything.

Even if we fight a million times over little things, we can still make it better

"Never leave the person who understands you more than anyone else. Someone you can talk to about everything and stand next to you even with your unwanted attitudes. Treasure the one that accepts and loves every bit of you."

Thanks for still loving me even when i'm the worst.

♥

///

2011-08-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

When i get like this, sometimes i would sit here and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me? That thought continously runs through my mind, and i never find the answer. Maybe...maybe i'm just secretly crazy. Fuck that, i can't be. Why do i get like this. I swear, i must be the most emotionally unstable person ever.

The worse part is that when i get like this, i just find reasons to stay this way. I don't really try to think of the greater things to make me brighten up a bit, every little thing can tick me off. Little things can just make me feel worse. I feel bad for anyone who gets hit by my bitchiness.

I'm sorry in advanced...

I try hard to control myself, i swear...it's crazy because you'd never think that i'd be this way. If you get to know me enough...you'll have to deal with me being like this. I'm unreasonable, stubborn, and think irrational when i'm like this. Sometimes i'd fall into my own little "mini depression" when i'm just at home by myself...and then i sit here and then i feel like i even make myself purposely sad. I have a problem.

Right now all i want is to be with my boyfriend, and talk to him.

Everyone is out enjoying their night, and i'm at home moping around.

I'm ashamed of myself, i really am.

My question is, why is he so nice to me when all i do is bitch at him for no reason...

Booboo

2011-08-07T00:53:00.000-07:00

Some people would ask, "Why are you with him?" and some would say, "She can do so much better." I was even asked once when do i think it would end because there are a lot of guys out there that would be glad to take his place. In my head, i just think that's rude. I don't understand how some people and just go about wondering where my head is at dating this boy. I really just don't know what i say to that. I mean i answer them, i tell them why i'm with him and i tell them it'll be a while till it's over and i let them i know that i can't do better.

When i say that i can't do better, what i mean is that...well he's already the best i've ever had. Maybe i can do better, but when people from the outside say "She can do better" they're just looking at whats on the outside. They look at him and then they look at me and they think that i can find someone better looking. Maybe even of a higher class or someone who has something going for themselves. Thing is, they don't even know us like that. They don't know him like that for sure. Well...sure, i could do better look wise. I'm just saying that maybe i could find a sexy ass guy.

But no guy will ever compare to what my man has. No guy can compare to what he has to offer for me, and what he's capable of. I love every inch and ounce of him. Every little thing, i absolutely adore. To be honest here, i've encountered good looking guys but for some reason they just never cut it for me. They just didn't do me justice. They weren't what i wanted. Why did he? I don't know...i guess he really is just something different. And he really is. He's the best i've ever had, and the best i've ever been with. He's amazing in every way. And i think he's pretty damn sexy. There is no other guy i'd rather have. I'll chose him over Bradley Cooper and Chris Pine.

So when one asks why i'm with him, why i like him...well, he's perfection for me. He hasn't yet done me wrong, and that's something. Cause every guy i've associated myself with does me wrong with a blink of an eye. He's the sweetest thing, and i just know he cares. I can tell he does. And...i don't think i've ever liked anyone this much. If anything, not like this. He keeps me at ease, mellow, and happy. And i'm so grateful for him. He's even patient with me, and i love that.

I want to thank him for everything he's done, and just for being there for me all the time

But the real question should be, Why is he with me? I really feel bad for him sometimes, cause he could do better. In looks, brains, attitude, and privileges...well he's with me, and he's mine. So i'm content.

♥

Your Song

2011-08-04T01:23:00.001-07:00

One word: Beautiful.

♥

p.s. I still miss my boyfriend.

2 Week Notice

2011-08-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

I got my hair thinned out today, and i cut my bangs. I kind of wish i didn't. :x

I don't know, i just realized maybe i should have just relayered my hair or something, but i feel like all my layers are gone. I had at least 3-4 layers in my before and now i only have two. But my hairs hella light now. I feel like my friend made it too thin. Shit. It's going to take forever to grow back out fully, for me to get it fixed. Its whatever, not such a huge disaster. As for my bangs? Well, i look like a little kid again. Also, i'm not used to short bangs anymore, its hella bothering my face. Lol.

I covered my girl Gigi's shift for her today at work. I went in and let my manager know that i'm quitting. Commuting from UC is not the business. Plus, i seriously think he has a problem with me. I don't want to be under the management of a bias boss. He has favorites and everyone knows it. Whatever though. I want to buy as many shows as i possibly can before my last day. Only problem is that i don't think i really want to blow all my money on shoes of all things before i'm out of a job. So maybe it isn't such a good idea? I bought a pair of cognac leather flats though. I think those may just be worth it cause it's real leather. I kind of want the opinion of my boyfriend first. For some reason i feel like his opinion kind of matters on what i get...should it not? LOL i'm not even sure. I haven't been getting much hours lately, so i feel like working there is just a drag. Even the new hires are getting more hours than Lisa and i am -__-

Well, it's time for a new job. It was fun working there while it lasted. All the ALDO girls are about to quit anyways, so staying will be no fun. At least all the girls that i like there are leaving. :p Now Lisa and i are leaving too.

I miss my boyfriend.

♥

Lucky Girl

2011-08-03T01:18:00.000-07:00

I went to Babe's house earlier tonight cause earlier in the day he wanted me to come over to keep him company while he set up his new T.V. No one was suppose to be home, but then when he got off work he told me that his dad didn't have work tonight and his little brother is back from his aunties. So i sat in his living room with his dad and little brother and we watched him set up their new T.V in the living room.

His dad made steak and i ate it because his little brother told me if i didn't eat, his dad will keep telling me to eat till i actually ate. And shoot, i don't know. I heard something about filipinos that if you don't eat when they offer you food, it's considered lightweight rude. And so i ate it. Just a little. Shit i was hella full though cause i ate hella at Red Robins before i went to his house.

Anyways, i was sitting there quietly watching him set up the television. His dad kept telling me how smart he is, and he was telling me that he must treat me well huh? Or something like that. But he was really letting me know that i'm lucky to have him. Gosh i know. I'm really lucky to have him. He's the sweetest thing. For his dad to even tell me i'm lucky, i bet i'm definitely lucky. He's a keeper for me. I want to keep him forever. Or for as long as i could. :p

He's mine now.

♥

My Father

2011-07-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

One thing about my life that i'm kind of sad about is that i never really talk to my dad. I was trying to think of a better word to describe how i feel about that. Yah, i'm sad about it...but there was another word i was trying to think of but it just didn't come to me. I was going to say regretful, but he's still around...however, that is definitely something i will be more that completely regretful about when he's gone.

Something about me is that i told myself to cherish and be overly grateful for my parents. Let them know that i appreciate them and love them with all my heart. Because i don't want a moment to go by unrecognized? Idk. I don't want to all grown up and look back into my life and wish that i did things differently with them. Do you know what i mean? I want to be able to look back and know that they were aware of my love for them and that i did a lot for them. I guess no matter what, because i'm a teenager, i'll always be making mistakes to wrong them somehow. So no matter what, i'll always look back and wish i did things differently. From spending more time with them, showing them that i love them more, helping them out more, or being a better me to make them happy.

So i try to do what i can. I think about my mom a lot. She's always in my mind. I never want to make her upset because when i do, i just feel so disappointed in myself. Because whenever i make her upset, i know that it's because i'm not keeping her in mind. When i make her upset, it's usually over things that she doesn't let me do. It's the young girl with in me that just simply doesn't want to be treated like a kid anymore. It's the young girl in me that wants to be let free...because i'm growing up. I'm not the type of child that angers my parents often. It's only once in a while that it would happen. I mean i could get annoyed of her. But my mom and i never really fight. We don't usually argue with each other or yell at one another. My mom and i are very alike though. We're very sensitive to things. I make sure that every time i have a chance, i'll tell her i love her. Whether she accepts it or not. I'll give her a kiss and hug her. Because at one point in my life, as i was growing out of my little little girl stage of life, i stopped doing that. I stopped coming into her room each night before bed and giving her and my dad a kiss and telling them goodnight. I stopped going out with them because i guess i felt like i'm too old for that. Then eventually...i grew out of the "i'm too old for that" and started doing it again. I'd hold my mom when we go out, let her know i appreciate her because you're never too old for that. I just want to make my parents happy and i don't want to disappoint them because when i upset them i feel like i failed some how, and that's quite upsetting to me...

I show all this love to my mom as much as i can. My problem is, no matter how much i want to show the same amount of love to my dad, i just can't. I don't know why. Well, i guess because we just can't connect. He also doesn't understand much. I'm not even sure if he even cares whats going on in my life. It makes me so sad that i can't share anything with him. It makes me sad that i'd actually sit around and think sometimes that his thoughts of me don't matter because i don't interact with him...that maybe he doesn't care much about me. Then sometimes i'd sit and observe my parents while they're at the dinner table or something and i'd look at my dad and i'd just see such sweetness in him as i do with my mom. Such joy and love in his eyes. And i see that he does care about his kids, its us that doesn't give him the chance to care. Out of all my siblings, i'm the one that talks to him the least. My brother doesn't talk to him much either, and nor does my sister, but they still can talk to him whenever they want. I don't know why i can't. I just can't. I find my dad to be so full of life...and love. Even if he doesn't show it. I love that he's just so...him. I don't know. I wish i could show him that i love him more. I wish it was as easy to let him know as it is with my mom. Because i fucking know that when i grow up and look back, this will be the one thing that i'll regret the most. And i'll really hate myself for not doing things differently with him. I already do hate myself for not doing things differently with him....but i don't even know how i can change this.

I didn't even let him know Happy Father's day this year...my family didn't even celebrate it. I feel like my family doesn't really appreciate my father as much as we should. Like i don't see the appreciation at all. I don't see the gratefulness or anything. He's done so much for me, and i can't even show him how much i'm grateful for him. I feel like we underestimate what he's capable of. He has such a big heart, and is so kind. He does things for everyone, and wants the best for all of us, and i feel like my siblings and i don't realize it as much as we should...

I feel sad for him, cause i wonder how he feels about this...

I love my dad...i hope he knows that.

Day to Myself

2011-07-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'm such a shy person, i've always kind of been. Especially towards people i don't really know. Once you get to know me, i guess then it's a different story.

I learned to become to used to just being quiet. I can just be in a room full of people and not talk. I learned how to just sit there and not speak to anyone...and just close everyone out so it's just me and my thoughts. This shyness would have to be one of the characteristics about myself that i don't like so much. It can get annoying to me sometimes because i'd want to make friends, connect with people, and just seem like i'd actually be enjoyable to be around. I can't really do that though. It takes much more for me i guess.

I can be really stubborn. Once i'm upset, i don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want to do anything anyone asks me to do. I don't care what they want at that moment...it's just me.

Can't exactly explain what my mood is today. For some reason i'm a little bit down. I think part of it is that my mom and i have bad vibes between each other...even though i'm lightweight on speaking terms with her, but it's not anything good when we say something to each other. Then the other part of it is that i'm not going to be seeing my boyfriend today. I think that's what makes me even more down. The crazy part is that i could actually just go see him right now, but i simply don't want to. Because i'm upset. I'm not even upset towards him...

I'm really actually upset with myself. And i'm just killing myself over the fact that i'm being to selfish towards him, and i'm putting my anger out on him. I'm trying not to, but i don't know why i am. I don't know why i'm being so hard headed and selfish with him. I really want to see him too...but i can't get myself to go. Cause for some reason, i feel like once i go see him, i just wont want to speak.

I'm locked in my own head right now. All i want to do is be alone. I just want to be by myself with my thoughts, and music. Pondering my thoughts, and reflecting on my feelings. I don't want to go anywhere, do anything with anyone, or be around people for that matter. Being with him would be the exception, but i still can't do that.

What sucks even more, is that my bad mood, is putting him in a bad mood. And here he is telling me how stubborn and selfish i am. Which is putting me in an even worse mood, but it's true. And i'm sorry that i am...i hate myself sometimes.

From the moment i woke up this morning, i already felt like today wasn't going to be such a great day. It had a bad start. Already i wanted to just be doing shit by myself. Boyfriend was too busy to spend one of his only days off of work with me. For once i wished i had work so i can keep my mind busy. Ended up wandering around the mall by myself for a while. Just spending countless hours in each store. Wandering in and out. Spending unnecessarily.

Now he wants me to go see him, and even though i really want to...i don't want to.

I hate myself for being this way. He doesn't deserve this at all cause he's nothing but good to me, and i can't even do him that one favor. What's wrong with me. And now i'm sitting here complaining about myself, and i'm not even doing anything to fix it. What the fuck is wrong with me right now.

I want to go out for a run...but i think i'm just going to go sleep.

Movies

2011-07-27T02:38:00.000-07:00

Went on a "triple date" on Monday with Christina, Tina, Me and our boyfriends. First time i've ever really done anything like that. However, it was more like a double date for them, and a little movie night for babe and me. We went to the Drive-ins and watched Friends With Benefits. We took two cars because Tina's truck couldn't fit all six of us. Not comfortable at least. So then Steven drove, and we sat in the car together as the other four sat in the back of Tina's truck together and watched the movie. I haven't spent time with them in so long. Been busy with my life, i guess.

That's the first time i've ever brought one of my guys out anywhere to meet my SJ friends. Okay, i mean he's met Trung...okay, he's the first guy that i've been with that has ever met any of my friends from SJ. That must mean something.

Hung out with Trung and his friends today. We snuck into the theaters. It was pretty thrilling, in a way...we weren't exactly being hella discreet about it though. We just stood outside the theaters near the doors and waited for people to come out so we could go in. We waited for a good half hour or so. We went in and started to watch Tekken in 3D. Trung somehow got all of us 3D glasses and we were sitting in the very front row. It wasn't even in 3D! At first, i thought it didnt work because we were sitting so close to the screen. Apparently, it actually just wasn't in 3D. They had to cancel the showing because the manager put in the wrong film for the movie. So everyone got their refund and a free movie ticket for the inconvenience. We ended up just movie hopping to another movie and ended up watching Bad Teacher. That was a good movie. I hella wanted to see it. Glad i got to see it for free. Heh. :)

It's been a nice couple of days even though i've been sick. My cough is definitely going away. I haven't been coughing too much tonight. I hope i don't though. I hate waking up in the middle of the night to cough. -_-

And i have work Thursday. Just waiting till the weekend so i can spend time with the boyfriend. I dont' have work this Saturday :)

♥

Rant

2011-07-23T01:48:00.001-07:00

I attempted to use the email thing that this blogger site offers. Basically from my phone, i can text my blog to post blog posts. Well apparently we can only SMS and not MMS. I sat in my living room writing a blog post through MMS cause SMS has a limited amount of characters i can put. Anyways, my computer is down. That's why i was trying to write a post through MMS text, but it didn't work. So now i'm on my nieces laptop.

Its 1:50am. I have work tomorrow, and i think i'm sick. I've been sitting here for last half hour coughing up a lung or SOMETHING. It's killing me, and very annoying. I think i might have a throat infection according to Micko.

Well anyways. Babe just left my house right now...and yah, i'm aware that it's 1am. He left around one. Whenever he comes over though, he leaves at 1am. My mom is very much aware of that too. Well once he left and i got back into my house, my mom bitched at me like crazy. She yelled at me about the same stuff she's always talking to me about, except this time she actually yelled at me. I still don't really understand why she trips so hard. Okay, i mean i understand...but at the same time i don't. Does anyone get where i'm trying to go with this? Okay, well i just really wish that my mom could accept him and accept that i'm older now. I wish she could also realize that i'm responsible...and i'm not going to fuck up. I mean, i'm aware that no one ever plans for an accident to happen, they just happen.. So i suppose its sort of hard for me to just say nothing is going to happen...that's why we set ourselves up to prevent that kind of thing, right?

My mom was telling me that i can't fuck up my life. That i need to focus on my studies and stop fucking around. I can't be so hung up on this boy. I can't spend so much time with him. First time ever that i actually referred to him towards my mom as my boyfriend. She was telling e that he's just a friend, and friends CAN hang out with each other, but there is a limit of much time one can spend with another person...so i meant i went and questioned her why the hell i can't spend time with my boyfriend. In her point of view i spend time with him too excessively. Even though he's always working, or i'm working. The few times a week i actually do get to see him, that's when she trips.

Can anyone help me out here? Can someone give me advice on how to get my mom to ease up on my love life...because this is the first boy that my mom has actually seen continuously as my boyfriend.

The other day, i asked her why she doesn't like him. She actually said that she doesn't like him. I don't think she really means it like that though...more like a protective kind of "i don't like him". All she said was that it's because i spend too much time with him.

Out of curiosity, i asked her if she liked my ex. She only saw him a couple of time. Probably 2 or 3 times if anything. He never really wanted to come around. She said that she didn't like him because we fought and he made me cry a lot. Now that's a legitimate reason because she saw how much he would constantly hurt me emotionally.

But babe is so sweet to me. I wish she would just understand that. I wish she knew how happy he makes me because he really does make me so happy. I've never had anyone treat me so well and i'm so grateful to have him. I wish my mom would just realize how happy i am, and be happy for me. i wish she would realize that i'm not a little girl anymore and i can take care of myself. And on top of that, i know my priorities...

She just doesn't understand. Will she ever?...
It's like no one in my family really does.

Feel Love

2011-07-18T01:19:00.000-07:00

I have a good feeling about this one. I mean, not like i didn't about the last ones...I just have an even great feeling about this one. He's kind of the only person in my life right now that makes me really happy. He's sort of the only person that i'd actually drop anything for. (at least to the best of my ability) He's at the top of my priority list, next to my family of course.

He's the sweetest. :p

We were watching What Women Want on TBS. I watched it already, and it really the only thing on TV that was merely interesting to watch. I'm not sure if he even enjoyed it because it was a chick flick, but he already got to watch his boy movie prior to watching this while i was washing the dishes. Not always what he wants...

I never really take pictures with guys that i like or whatever. I don't know why. One of the reasons is that i'm not really all the big on taking pictures. As in, i don't really carry a camera around with me or i never even think about taking pictures to begin with. I'm down to be in the picture while someone else is photographing me, but not me taking pictures of myself with other people. Does that make any sense? I mean, i don't have anything against it. It's not like i don't like doing it, i guess it just never comes to mind...that's what i mean.

We took a picture through cameraroid, and fucking the thing froze and decided not to save the one picture that i actually liked the most! I was so disappointed...we couldn't capture another picture like it, just wasn't the same.

Feel Love | Sean Garret ft. Drake

I heard this song on the radio today as i was driving home.

I like it. Mmmm :p

♥

♥ ♥ ♥

2011-07-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

Brown Eyes - Destiny Childs

I feel like this song is just perfect...

Gosh i'm such a...i'm not even sure the word to explain myself...

Is it weird that he makes me really happy? Sometimes i feel that i might scare him away if im all over him...i don't know, like i may seem "too clingy" or something. I mean, i've experienced that first hand when someone was all over me, i just wasn't feeling it. I mean i guess it's a different situation here cause he's actually my boyfriend. I guess i shouldn't really hold back on how i feel about anything, because if he was to leave me because i happened to show too much affection towards him...well then that's his loss. Correct? Hell yeah.

He's really the sweetest though. He treats me well, and i'm really glad i've met him. Even though sometimes i sit and wonder how we even began because when you look at the two of us...well i'm not even sure. But judging me, he just doesn't seem like the type of guy i'd ever fall so hard for. Yet i did. I'm lucky to have him, and hopefully i'm great enough towards him to make him feel like he's lucky to have me.

This past week was just the best. Too bad it just went by too quickly. I swear when you're enjoying your time, time just goes by so fast. He had the whole week of work off, and i didn't have to work either. I'd wake up and see him, then he leaves for class, and then i get to see him till my mom comes out and makes him leave. 5 days straight. But now its back to work for him...

I'm trying to find another job or something though. Either a second job or just a better paying job. I'm really tired of retail though, that's for sure.

Babe just came over right now and we were watching Pretty Woman. It's a oldie with Julia Roberts in it. It's pretty good! And well he had to leave early to go home and talk to his dad...but i'll get to see him tomorrow.

Baby, i'm going to treat you so nice; you're never going to want to let me go..

He makes my heart melt. :p

♥

The Irony Of Love?

2011-07-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or a stranger.

When you think of your past love; you may view it as a failure; but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What’s important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not apart of it. Everything happens for a reason and for its best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

You’ll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, then you won’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you; that’s why it’s called falling in love, because you don’t need to force yourself to love, you just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. But why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying and to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but don't stumble. Be constant but not too persistent. Share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand. Hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk and if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.

*Source: Unknown

Co Workers

2011-07-11T01:05:00.000-07:00

Been working a lot this week. I didn't go to work yesterday for personal issues, and i think i might have gotten a write up for it. I guess it's whatever, i can't do much about it if i couldn't go in right?

This morning i was feeling like shit when i woke up, i'm sure what the reason was but part of it was probably because of my menstrual cramps. Couldn't get anyone to cover my shift for me, so i just had to go in. It was alright, because i survived. I suppose it was a good thing i went into work today though. For various of reasons. Such as, i got new shoes, and went out to dinner with my co workers. I'm not sure if getting new shoes is even a good thing. Okay, i didn't even get shoes. I bought booties. You know, the boots with the heels. But they're not like thigh high/knee high boots, they're cute little ankle boots. The'y're pretty cute. I've been wanting a pair of booties for the longest time now! But i totally just got them on a whim. It's kind of a you gotta have them kind of thing...but then now i'm not even sure when/where i'll ever even wear them! So i'm so sad. It's not regular to just walk around in heels...for the hell of it, you know? That's kind of strange. Especially when i see other girls do it, in my mind i'm just thinking what the hell are you doing girl...? But some girls can actually pull that kind of shit off, you know, wearing heels around like its a normal thing. I definitely don't think i can't do that. I don't have that kind of "swag". Bahah. I don't know. I'll think long and hard about it, i might just end up returning them. Which is such a shame...but they were only 35 dollars. :x

Went out to Applebees with co-workers today for a birthday dinner for Jessica (one of my co-workers) at first i was kind of thinking how strange it is because i barely even know her. But i just went cause it seemed like a work kind of thing. It was alright, not bad. I split the 2 for $20 special with Lisa and Gigi. Good deal indeed. :) Hehe. The host guy was hella weird! I swear he was hella tryna flirt with all of us. Hella eavesdropping into our conversation and tryna talk to us. Weirdo. The food was alright, it could have been better...

Kay, i don't really have much to say about the dinner. It was pretty interesting seeing my co-workers away from where i usually always see them. I'm not too comfy with them, but i guess over time i will be? I don't know. I don't even plan to be there long. I guess, after all, i am only seasonal.

Going to go rest now. Hopefully i get to see my babe tomorrow before work.

♥

2011-07-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

I <3 kathy nguyen!

**hacked haha**

Wrong side of the bed

2011-07-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Kind of just got up feeling indefinite...is that even the correct usage of the word?

I got up slightly early so i can get ready for work before it got any hotter. It's been way too hot these past few days. I get so lazy that i don't even want to do anything. Afterwards, i sat down in my living room...and well i just sat there! I sat there and just thought about stuff. Wasn't really in the mood for much. Didn't even have the appetite to have breakfast or lunch.

Head off to work, and work was just a drag. Since i started off my day bad, for no reason really, i was just not feeling work at all. But my mind was not in it. I swear i was trying to help customers but i just ended up hella slurring and stuttering...it was kind of embarrassing. I tried not to really talk to customers because for some reason i couldn't really even help them even if i tried! And this vietnamese lady and her friend hella pissed me off, i almost yelled at her. Since i'm Vietnamese, i understood exactly what they were saying, and they were just being hella rude in Vietnamese. Like, they were talking about me to each other. I was not having it. They kept referring to me as this word in Vietnamese that basically signified that they had no respect for me, and it was just rude. I guess it's whatever that they're strangers but what bitches they were. I just got hella irritated that when she said something in Vietnamese referring to me, i just replied back to her in Vietnamese in a hella irritated tone to get her to shut the fuck up. She seemed shocked that i was actually Vietnamese.

Basically, yah. That's it. I was not in the mood for anything.

After work i went shopping though. I just wanted to buy stuff. Just to pass time as i waited for babe to get off of work. Went down to Fremont to see Lisa, and some people came through so i got to say Hello. To top off my bad day, my ex even showed up. I don't know why but i didn't say hi. I wanted to just because i didn't want us to be on bad terms, but gosh i don't know. He was with his new lady and the bitch that hit Lisa. Didn't want to be around them at all. Babe came by to get me and we went and just ate. I guess the last part of my day was pretty good cause i got to see him.

He's my sunshine on a cloudy day...

♥

Twisted

2011-07-07T00:30:00.001-07:00

Cause i love my babe.

Photo

2011-07-04T23:47:00.001-07:00

Why is it that the pictures that aren't "posed" or whatever, happen to be my favorite...

I guess the pictures where i'm not really cheesin' it happen to be the ones i like most.

I don't really like my smile that much, i just realized...

Don't know why, but i like this picture. :p

July 4, 2011

2011-07-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Holidays like this, it's nice to spend the nice summer night with your significant other under the stars watching the fireworks blast into the night sky.

First July 4th that i have a boyfriend. Would have been nice to spend the first july 4th with a boyfriend actually watching the fireworks. Too bad he's at a party right now, and i'm just at home watching Eagle Eye. I don't even want to go out because i'm not in the greatest mood to be honest.

I never even go and watch fireworks for July 4th though anyways, so it's whatever. Not trippin. Maybe i'm expecting too much out of him. Maybe.

I'm not so confident.

2011-07-04T02:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i'd look at myself and i'd just think that i'm not as pretty as people think i am. It's weird that people think i'm pretty, or even gorgeous because i really don't even see it.

Have you ever heard that saying where it's like, if you're pretty when you're young then you're probably going to be ugly when you're older and vice versa? For some reason when i was younger and my ugly awkward stage of life, people thought i was just the cutest little thing...looking back i was hella fucking ugly i swear. I think now i'm just average. So how did i manage to get Senior Hottie my senior year of highschool? I do not know.

I'm okay. I'm decent. Like i said, i'm average. I don't do much with myself. Especially not anymore. I barely to my hair, i don't wear much makeup. Just the basic eye stuff like any other girl and then some blush. To be honest, i'm satisfied with the way i look. Really, i am.

I guess right now, i'm in one of those moods. I just don't feel so great about myself and i'm feeling rather ugly. I wish that i can just absolutely love myself. I don't really love myself.

Sometimes when i'm driving, and i'm in a bad mood, i think about what it'd be like to just drive into something. The other night i was driving home and i realized to myself that it definitely is a scary thing to die. It's just a scary thought. You know, death? Can't imagine just suddenly not breathing, seeing the beauty of the world, hearing the great sounds of your surroundings, not being able to smell the fresh air. Can't imagine the darkness...beneath your eyelids. That eventually your mind stops thinking...you wont even know that you're dead. You wont remember any of the pains you've been through, any of the happiness in your life. All the memories would have just vanished, just like that. I realized that although it is scary that you're going to die eventually, it'll be okay because when it actually happens you wont even know that you're gone. You'll just be gone...you wont be able to see what people's lives are like after you're gone or even how they'll feel about that fact. That's just how it is, and i think i accepted death. It's something that's just going to happen and when it happens, you wont even know. I'm not as scared anymore...

imo

2011-07-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

First of all, everyone reacts to certain things differently. All girls are different and not all guys are the same. Do you get what i mean? What i'm trying to say that...well, not everyone likes the same type of things. You may like strawberries but your dream girl probably just despises them because for some crazy reason she's weird and doesn't like delicious sweet things. You may hate swimming but her probably is afraid of giant bodies of water and cant stand it...Something may make someone irritated, but it could probably piss someone else off like no other. Such as for her if you smoke, she'll break up with you. For some other girl, if you smoke she probably wont care too much.

Basically, what i'm really trying to say is...well here's some friendly advice from the courtesy of the opinionated section of my mind. Don't tell your girl that the reason she's mad is a stupid reason. There are many reasons for that.

1. If she's mad over it, and actually shows it or i don't know is bothered by whatever you do then to her it is something worth getting mad over.

2. Thinking that the reason that she's mad at you is stupid, is like saying she's stupid for being mad. Aren't you suppose to be making her feel better, not even more upset? Never say someone's stupid for being mad. It's never stupid...okay, never say never.

3. I don't know what i'm saying, it's different for everyone really. Really is.

Okay, how about this. If you're ever with me and you're trying to make me get over it/feel better don't ask me why i'm mad and then proceed on telling me that that was a stupid reason to be mad. You idiot.

A little off

2011-07-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

Opened at ALDO for the first time today. I much rather open than close though. I got lucky today cause my coworker wanted to switch shifts with me. I had to wake up hella early, but i guess it was worth it. The first hour of work was just super chill. Closing is definitely hard work, especially on top of a long busy day of work. Today was probably the best work day i've ever had! Not even lying. I guess i was just in a good mood at work, and it went by pretty quick. I didn't make my sale goal, so that's disappointing.

I have to work almost everyday next week too. Everyday except Monday and Wednesday. Such a bummer because i probably wont even be able to see babe that much next week because of that. I have to work on the only two days that he has off. I wish he could take Monday off and work Friday instead so he can spend time with me on Monday since i'm working tomorrow. Oh well i guess. Not that easy to do something like that.

These past few days though, i've been pretty moody as fuck. I guess i'm having intense mood swings but thing is, i'm not even on my period. I have such a short temper...but its mostly around my boyfriend. I keep thinking to myself as i sit there quietly irritated that i really don't want a relationship like my lasts...so i try to just breath and get over it. But i can't help but get hella annoyed about certain things...but i mean at least when i'm getting irritated, it's for a legit reason. Swear.

My mom's bothering me again. I don't want to keep complaining about what she has to say about babe and me, but its seriously getting on my nerves...you all see where i'm coming from right? It's bizarre. Like, it's starting to get me mad. I really don't know how explain to her what it's like for me. Because she's really afraid i'm going to mess up...but i want to assure to her that its not even like that. She thinks i'm too young and him and i are just friends so i shouldn't even be so close to him...i guess maybe she's in denial that he's my boyfriend. She never said anything about my ex. Maybe cause he was Asian and i told her that he went to Mission with me. Damn, judgmental or what. Who knows what shes really thinking inside her head though. I wish i knew. I wish i could figure it out...I want to explain to her what's on my mind when she's lecturing to me, but i can't find the nerve to do that because it's a little scary. It's weird to tell my mom that he's my boyfriend. Just give it to her. Lay it all out onto the table and explain to her that its not 1980s anymore or something. I don't know. I'll you all posted, whoever you all are...

Today after work as i was about to get into my car, this African American lady standing two cars away from me yelled out "Excuse me, excuse me!" I looked over at her and she was coming towards me holding a card. At first i thought she was trying to promote me something so i was kind of just going to try and get her to leave me alone. Then she starts telling me this story. We were standing in front of Chipotle and some salad/soup buffet. She was holding her drivers license in her hand and telling me how she was from Hayward. I really didn't know what she trying to tell me. She explained to me how she was from Hayward, and then she pointed at the buffet place and Chipotle and told me that she knows how they throw out food at the end of each day, but they wont give her any food. She proceeded on saying that she's homeless, and really hungry but the restaurants told her that that can't give her food because they don't want to be liable for her sickness or whatever. I don't even know. Then she went on telling me about her daughter that was waiting for her at the bus stop with some security guy. (i guess that's just suppose to make me feel even worse for her) well i guess by then i picked up that she wanted me to buy her food. I was thinking in my head like...damn, she wants Chipotle...cause the lady pointed at it! I suggested Mcdonalds, cause i'm down to buy her some stuff from the dollar menu. But she goes on telling me that her daughter is Diabetic and she doesn't want her to be eating that stuff...now that i'm writing that, should she be picky? Because...if you're starving, i'm sure you're going to need to eat whatever you can. But i'm not sure. I don't know how diabetes work. Anyways, i guess i was in a pleasant mood so i just went and bought her some Chipotle. What's wrong with me. She said she's alright with just a Taco, but then then in my head i was like how you and your daughte bouta be okay on some tacos? So i just got her a bowl so they can share is cause that stuff is hella satisfying for me. I'm not sure if he daughter even really exists because you tell someone you're tryna keep your kid alive and i'm sure that they'll give in...maybe. I hella wanted to go see to make sure she had a kid, but that didn't wrk out too well for me. I was going to get her some soda, cause i get free soda at Chipotle but then she wanted juice from a bottle that i then had to pay for. I felt really good after that i bought her some food though, she thanked me and gave me a hug. I really hope she wasn't scamming me, but would randomass poor people just go up to people and ask them to buy them food? That's weird. Then again, there are weirdass people out there. Now as i'm sitting here, i should have just given her a couple of dollars and sent her off...but i guess now i know she ate and didn't spend some money on drugs. Damn, i dont even know her. Who knows what her life is like. I just wont buy myself lunch tomorrow when i go to work. I need to stop buying food when i'm at work though anyways. I keep doing that and when i do that i think to myself "this is one hour of me working my ass off. I spent too much money on food today, no bueno. I spend too much money on food all the time actually, definitely no bueno.

I got the cutest shoes today too at ALDO. Heh.

So i guess babe is coming over now to see me, even though i was just in Fremont to see him for two hours. I left cause i was hella bored just sitting there watching him and his homeboys do their thing...with his dog in my lap. I was bored out of my mind and got irritated that he had me come to Fremont just to have me sit there. That was bullshit. However, i do believe i can try harder to get to know his friends, but you all know how hard that is for me cause i'm so damn shy.

I need to get past these mood swings though, i'm up and down. All day. Its bothering me. -__-

Deuces

"Too comfortable"

2011-07-01T13:27:00.001-07:00

So apparently, my whole family thinks that i'm "too comfortable" with babe. This definitely just mind boggles me. But, i suppose i get where they're coming from...kind of?

1.They're not used to seeing me with a guy

2.I'm not used to being so "comfortable" with a guy in front of my family.

I'm too young to be comfortable with a guy, because this will lead to me thinking something stupid. I might think i love him or something. I'm too young for love?

Thinking about it...i don't even know actually! Silly teenage relationships.

I guess.

Anyways, babe is over again. He wont let me watch House, and now he's laying on the floor watching S.W.A.T with Jedi. I'm not paying attention because i have no interest. What is this even about? o_o

We're going to Boiling Crab later. :)

Yayay. I'm excited.

Then i have work tomorrow morning 9am-5pm

Boo. I don't like work. My dream is that one day as i'm older, i wont have to work. I can just stay home and relax an take care of things that need to get taken care of while my wonderful husband goes off and makes money. That's just my dream. My goal is to work hard and be successful for myself so i wont have to depend on anyone. I think i just contradicted myself.

Kay, i'm going to go make babe some noodles.

♥